apolgoies + forgiveness

I should’ve bit down on my tongue.

Better yet, I probably should’ve swallowed it along with the first phrase that popped into my mind before it rushed out of my mouth in a hiss.

Her eyes widened as if I had just sprouted little horns on the side of my head.

Shoot.

The other mothers, if they happened to overhear, probably assumed I’d left my pitchfork in my minivan.

Now before you let your imagination run too wild, it was a phrase you’ve likely said too. Maybe even jokingly. But after spending much time correcting it out of my children, I hypocritically uttered it on a Monday afternoon in the dance studio lobby.

I don’t know about you, but it’s the little moments that trip me up.

And those are the very arrows the enemy uses to harass me. To pile on the guilt. To highlight my shortcomings and failures.

And you know what? He’s isn’t telling me anything I don’t already know.

I do have shortcomings and failures. Like David wrote in Psalm 51, “I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.”

But as I’ve grown in years and wisdom and experience, I’ve come to realize that for every heart issue I possess, God has given me a solution.

“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold… Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen… Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:26, 29, 32)

She quietly slipped into the backseat, and I apologized. Because just as I require my children to own their actions and reactions, so I must do the same. No one makes me mad. No one makes me sin. No one makes me spit out sharp words when I’ve reached my limit. That’s my own doing. I’m fully responsible.

“It’s okay, Mom. I forgive you.”

And the matter was settled. We moved on.

Apologies hold power. So does forgiveness. And when we withhold either, we give the enemy an opportunity.

To harden hearts.

To fracture relationships.

To create division.

And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather him not score any points. Ever.

Ten minutes, ten days, ten months, ten years. It may be a long time coming. Apologizing or forgiving. Regardless, now is the best time to let the right words loose because “death and life are in the power of the tongue.” (Proverbs 18:21)

And you, my friend, get to decide which one you’ll speak.