Big hair and burn books

I have always struggled greatly with my body image. I can’t recall a time in my life where I haven’t been self-conscious about my appearance. As a little girl, I asked my mom why my thighs "spread out” every time I sat down. I didn’t have knobby little knees like most of the girls at school. I had a sturdy base, and I took notice of it at an early age.

Over time, I added to the list: glasses, braces, bad haircuts, acne on my face and body, cellulite – you get the idea, you probably have a list of your own, too.

But by the time I was in high school, I had one physical trait I was proud of.

My hair.

God gave me a head full of hair that I teased to perfection every morning. I had big, Texas hair. It became my trademark, and I was proud of it until it was featured in a burn book that was floating around school.

Before smart phones existed, we passed notes on paper. Those were the good ole days. Anyway, this wasn’t just a book of notes. It was a book of insults, and this book just so happened to find its way into the hands of my best friend who found a page dedicated to me.

The page included an illustration of a character with enormous, ridiculous hair followed by a list of tacky comments about me and my beloved hair. I wasn’t supposed to know about this book. I was hurt and humiliated. Picked apart by girls I sat next to in class. Some of them I even considered friends.

Unfortunately, I was allowing my outward appearance to determine my value.

And unfortunately, I still find myself doing the same thing.

When my forehead wrinkles grow more prevalent.

When more gray hairs are peeking through.

When stretch marks appear.

When clothes no longer fit they way they used to.

It’s as if I think that, for some strange reason, my value is actually based on my appearance.

That couldn’t be further from God’s truth.

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” 1 Peter 3:4

Your worth does not come from a socially acceptable, Instagram worthy body. God doesn’t determine your worth on the absence of wrinkles, gray hair, cellulite, acne, or whether or not you can still fit into the pants you wore before you had children.

God designed you the way you are. He picked out your traits, and to keep us mindful of what he really values, he gave us bodies that are outwardly wasting away. These bodies are temporal, designed to change, and are only made for the here are now.

You don’t get to determine the length of your legs, the color of your eyes, or the tone of your skin, but you decide how you will treat your neighbor. Our appearances don’t build others up or tear them down, but our words do and out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

God cares about such things, my friend. The things on the inside. The position of your heart. The purity of your thoughts. The kindness of your tongue. The gentleness of your spirit. Those are the things He values because those are the things that not only make a lasting impact for Christ here and now but will echo throughout eternity.