He Will Supply

Weeks away from having my first child, I confidently sat through the free breastfeeding class offered by the hospital. I had already made the decision, before I’d ever even seen the face of my child, that she would be breastfed. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

Breast is best.

The mantra was repeated for two hours. Over… and over… and over.

It was so easy, too. With a body made for it, all I had to do was stick her on my chest and the rest would take care of itself, according to the thirty year old video we watched.

There would be no “f-word,” as the instructor referred to it, for my cherub baby. Only liquid gold would grace her tastebuds and she’d be the happiest, healthiest, most bonded child in all the land.

She had a different plan in mind.

There was zero interest in nursing. None whatsoever. She was completely content to forgo eating and simply use me for a human pacifier so she could lull herself to sleep. I tickled her, put a wet cloth on her, poked her little cheeks. Didn’t matter.

Of course, it hardly helped that my body also had a different plan, too. And that plan was to make everything about birthing and nursing a child near impossible. I drank my weight in water, ate lactation cookies up to my eyeballs, pumped like my life depended on it, all the while starving my precious girl.

Two months of misery, and two months of her gaining virtually no weight, I stored away my pump and purchased a box of formula. I should’ve done it sooner. It turned the tide for us both.

But the shame was still there. Some self-imposed, and also a large dose from society. Yet I came to the realization that I was fortunate to live in a time and place where I could run to the store at any time of day and grab a box of formula for my child. A luxury millions of mothers around the world didn’t have.

God had provided all I needed to take care of my girl, and I began thanking Him with every box of formula I purchased.

Fast forward almost six years later, as we neared the end of our foster parent licensing, the country was hit with a formula shortage.

Fear and doubt pressed in. Maybe now wasn’t the time to open our home to a baby. Fostering a child would be stressful enough, I didn’t need the added stress of hunting down formula. It would just be easier to wait. Wait until things smoothed out and the shelves were sufficiently stocked. Avoid the problem all together. Let someone else deal with it. After all, why throw myself into an unnecessary tangle when I didn’t have to?

But God reminded me of His provision. Of the fact that the One who faithfully provided for and nourished both of my children hadn’t changed. He was still the same, and the same He would remain.

Twelve days passed between the day we were licensed and when we got the call. I’d been praying for months on end that God would prepare our hearts and home, and the formula thing – well, that ball was in His court, too.

Because I was utterly helpless. I could care for a child in every way except nourishment, and if it was His will that we take a baby in our home, it would be His job to supply all we needed to do so.

The nurse helped me pack up the hospital room and as we strapped the new bundle into the car seat I asked the one question in the forefront of my mind. “Do you have some extra formula we could take?” Months ago, no one would’ve thought much of the request. But now, it was a big ask.

“Sure, I’ll pack a few bottles in the bag. This is the type of formula the baby’s been on since birth.” I counted the bottles and had enough to get through the night. We’d worry about the hunt tomorrow.

But as dawn broke through the next morning, so did my worries. Because the type of formula we needed was the kind that was well stocked in the stores around town. Of course, I hadn’t dared worked up enough courage to pack up three children and see for myself, but my friends had come to the rescue.

It just so happened that one was off from work and on her way to buy groceries.

And another had the whole morning free.

And another discovered that the store she visited hadn’t set a purchase limit.

Before the day was over, I had a month’s worth of the exact formula needed tucked away in my pantry.

“At the moment I have all I need—and more! I am generously supplied with the gifts you sent me…they are a sweet-smelling sacrifice that is acceptable and pleasing to God. And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:18-19

I don’t know what you need. Like me, your needs may be plenty. But so are God’s resources, and so is His love.

So ask Him. Depend on Him. Trust Him.

He will supply.