sad and sovereign

Her entrance into our world was similar to that of a tornado.

Sudden. Out of nowhere. And quick.

Half a year ago.

“I don’t know how you do it,” strangers and friends alike both remarked.

And the truth was, I didn’t know how I was actually going to do it. But I just kept waking up each morning and taking care of a baby, and those early questionable days turned into weeks, which quickly morphed into months. Bonds formed, love grew, and it didn’t take long for me to willingly break off a piece of my heart and tuck it in the palm of her little, squishy hand.

Where it will remain.

That’s way it’s supposed to be, you know. What every child deserves.

But then, just as the shock of her arrival shook me to the core, so did the email in by inbox. The news that our time together would be coming to an end soon. And, listen, I knew it was the goal all along.

But it didn’t make it any easier.

I gave sorrow the opportunity to wreak havoc through my spirit, thankful I’d received the news while I was home alone. Tears raced down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away. The grief, a sure sign that love had, in fact, taken root and grown. An authentic love that makes goodbyes all the more difficult.

There is no question that I am sad.

But God is sovereign.

As sovereign as He was when He penned out all the days of our lives before each one came to be, those including this journey. When He divinely crossed our paths, allowing us to enter into a life altering experience not just for her, but for me, too.

And no matter what comes next, sovereign is what He will remain. Because He is over all things. Over the course of time and space and every history event. He is in charge of what comes to pass and assigns it a specific time. He hasn’t deviated a moment from His plan. All is going according to it, in fact.

This very thing, too.

And that’s what settles peace into the far recesses of my heart. The belief that God is rightly answering every prayer I have whispered, and the assurance that He won’t stop doing so. That His love for all the children in my care far exceeds what I possess. He knows each of their hearts, and He has given us all the privilege of playing a small role in the greater story He is authoring.

A story of heartbreak and healing. Of mountains and valleys. Of great expectation and countless unknowns.

And so we watch and wait for the next pen stroke, the next paragraph. God is still writing, and we’re still reading and hanging on His every good word.