Reason #81

I am afraid to ask Him. I want to ask, but should I? Sometimes it's easy for me to ask. I suppose it depends on the situation; on my perspective. Philippians 4:6,  says "...pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He's done." So why do I have such a hard time asking Him this? Why do I find it difficult to pray about this? He knows the desires of my heart. Even if I try to keep them to myself, He knows. Psalm 37:4 says if I will "delight [myself] in the Lord, He will give [me] the desires of [my] heart." I so desperately want those desires to be met, to be filled. I try to delight, but I hold back because I'm afraid. I partially delight myself in the Lord hoping that one day I finally feel worthy of receiving the desires of my heart.

I'm scared to ask because I don't think I deserve it. I'm scared to ask because it's too good. The desire is too sweet, so precious, and I'm undeserving. The enemy tells me I don't deserve anything good and that I shouldn't expect it. He tells me that it is selfish for me to even have that expectation let alone ask. But we see it in scripture again and again, "The Lord is good..." (Nahum 1:7) and "He causes everything to work together for the good" (Romans 8:28). He even "created us anew in Christ Jesus so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago" (Ephesians 2:10). And so would a good God, a good-working, good-planning God give anything less than good to His child?

And I realize that I lower my expectations so that I don't have to risk being hurt. I don't have to risk failing, being rejected. If I expect less than the best, I won't be disappointed if the best doesn't happen. But that's not what He wants.  "...when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord." (James 1:6-7) And when I ask with lowered expectations, I receive less that His best. Oh, how He wants to give me the best if only I would just step out in full faith and ask Him.

I suppose the other reason I’m scared to ask is because if I do, when I do, I have to give it to him. I have to let go and give up control, and I like being in control. It is against my human nature to step away from the wheel. If I’m not in control, how will I know what’s going to happen? I fear that by asking, by letting go, my desires won’t be met so I’m nervous to give it to Him. But 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” So why would I be nervous? Why would I be scared to ask? He cares! He cares for me! And if He cares for me, then it only makes sense that whatever his decision is, no matter how different it may be from mine, it will be good. So I know I need to ask. I know I need to let go and lay my request at His feet. And I need to trust because sometimes I don’t know what I’m asking for. Sometimes I only think I know what I need. But I need to trust, to have full faith when asking, because I know when I ask, He’ll respond with goodness. He always does more than I could have every dreamt of in the first place.

So I wonder what would happen if I just did it. What if I just asked Him no matter how scary it was? What if I just asked no matter how undeserving I felt? What if I let Him decide what to give me rather than asking or not asking for what I think I deserve to receive? What if I expected only good from Him and completely push out the thoughts of fear and doubt?

What if I asked for His best and expected Him to give that to me?

I bet it would be good! It could only be, right?

#81 - Because I serve a God who generously gives me things that are good... even when I don't think I deserve them.

"And we will receive from him whatever we ask because we obey him and do the things that please him." - 1 John 3:22