Reason #95

I like to try and figure things out. I am a logical thinker. I can’t stand for things not to be orderly and organized. Type A personality through and through. And if there is one thing I have been learning, despite my best attempts, is that you can’t figure God out.

I’ve been climbing up a mountain, steadily putting one foot in front of the other. Slowly but surely. And last night, I hit a slick spot. Just when I expecting to no longer be expecting, something unexpected happen. Shocking and a little devastating. And strangely enough, it was so surprising that I wasn’t surprised… but I was. You think by now, I would learn to expect the unexpected and be surprised by nothing.

I hate being caught off guard. Yesterday was wrapping up beautifully. By 9:00PM, I happily began preparing to write my blog. I figured this would be a good end to a great day, and the start to a restful night. I figured wrong. One unknowing mouse click, one look, one searing image, a skipped heartbeat, a feeling of nausea. And the tears flowed and they didn’t stop for hours. And this morning they continued, so I thank the Lord for an understanding boss, for sweet co-workers, and for flexible schedules.

See, I though I had it figured out. I thought I was beginning to understand why. But He showed me last night that I hadn’t figured out everything. He also answered my prayers in a strange, strange way. I have seen God answer prayers over and over and have come to expect an answer when I ask. The thing is, I never know when that answer will come or in what form it will come. Well, this prayer had been uttered a while back but He waited to answer it. I couldn’t figure out why He was waiting. I knew He could hear me. I knew this was a good request. What’s the hang up? And He answered with the unexpected. The shock, the devastation, an answered prayer. Truth. “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” (John 10:10)

I wanted to lay in bed today. I wasn’t prepared for this. But I’ve done my share of lying in bed and I know nothing good comes from being isolated with your thoughts. Work is a beautiful distraction, so I peeled myself out from under the covers and as I stood in the bathroom with wild morning hair, blurry vision and puffy eyes, He stuck His hand out and the sliding stopped. I was letting myself quickly slide down that mountain He has so faithfully been leading me up, so He threw me a rope. I grabbed on with both fists and I fought my way back up as best I could. I remembered the words of James 4:7, “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” I have fought for 6 months, and for 6 months I have been fought for. This circumstance was not going to claim the victory. The enemy has not won this battle and he certainly was not going to win today. For 6 months I have diligently prayed that if my circumstances weren’t going to give God the glory, I would still do so. So I began to resist. The battle isn’t over.

And as I stood there waiting for the shower to get hot, He played my battle song. That’s right, a battle song. He has used this song again and again to remind me that I’m victorious. This is one of “our songs” and I know each time it plays, it is being played for me. And the tears stopped and He said, “Remember, you aren’t going to get you through this I AM. I have brought you this far, and I’m not done. I’m not going anywhere. We’re in this together, but I will go before you. Remember, my power, the same power that raised my son from the dead for you, is the exact same power I have given you. Be brave. You can do this. You will do this. We will do this.”

So I can’t figure everything out, but what I did figure out is that this all-knowing God really does know best. This all-seeing God really does see everything. This all-sufficient God really is sufficient. And I see that He has taken care of me in more ways than I was aware of, so I praise Him for letting me know that.

And I realize that sometimes it’s best to not try and figure everything out. I am thankful that He’s never caught off guard, and so grateful that when the unexpected happens, I can expect Him to be there every time.

#95 – Because He’s gives me His strength to get through the unexpected.

“I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.” – Philippians 1:20