Reason #181
I had a moment of fear tonight. A thought was planted, grew, and scared me just a bit. So I began to wonder and I thought to myself, "Surely not. Surely, Lord, that's not what you want for me. Surely, that's not part of your plan."
I like where I am. For the first time, in a long time, I can confidently and honestly say I am more than pleased with my life right now. Really, I wasn't quite sure that was going to happen, but it has. I wasn't sure that I'd ever get used to my new status, my new living arragement, my new life. I wasn't sure how I would adjust. And really, I just wasn't sure that I was ever going to really "get past" it all.
But the days have moved on, the months have flown by and I find myself easily making it through each day. I anticipate the days to come and look forward to what lies ahead. And I'm very content with my cirucmstances. I don't have an itch for one certain thing or another. I'm just happy where I am, doing what I'm doing, and I don't want anything to change that.
Over the past many years, I got to a point where I began to really question why my life had turned out the way it did. Boring, uneventful, monotonous. I had a feeling that God had more in store for my life than what I was experiencing, but it just didn't seem like I was getting anywhere. Stiffled, I suppose you could stay. Stuck. But I have come to realize that when I look at my life, I only look at the present. I only take into consideration the near future. I forget that when God looks at it, He sees the whole thing, including all of the years left ahead of me. I don't know how many are to come, but I get impatient and ready for Him to act, to do something. To do what I thought He would do... what I want Him to do.
So I've spent a lot of time telling God what I think He should do and what I want Him to do. I've told Him when I'd like for Him to do it, too. Of course, I haven't said it quite that bluntly but have done a pretty good job of sugar coating it so that I didn't seem "pushy and demanding." And so, a few months ago, as my fears had been fully fed, I kept telling Him what I thought would be best. I had a good game plan figured out and hoped that He'd catch on to it. But God made it clear to me that no matter how much I wanted it, no matter how much I thought He should do it, it wasn't going to happen. After asking and asking and demanding and whining, He gave me a definite answer. And I had spent months in fear. Fear of what would happen. Fear of the worst happening. Fears that turned into realities.
But the fear began to dissipate over time. Slowly but surely, He removed those fears. In different ways, in different forms, He calmed those fears and turned them into assurances. And I stopped being so scared. So afraid.
"And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love." (1 John 4:17-18)
And I found out the truth in those beautiful words. Perfect love, divine love means I don't have to be afraid. Fear is a thief, stealing our joy and peace. Robbing us of assurance, of the assurance that we are greatly loved. And I've realized that I'm often scared that, for some strange reason, my fears will be met and I'll get exactly what I was NOT hoping for. I'll get what I did NOT want. And why is it that we think God looks at our hearts, sees our fears and desires, and chooses to give us the things that terrify us? Why do we expect the worst when all we've ever received is the best? Why do we have a hard time believing that He really does want to give us the desires of our hearts? (Psalm 37:4)
He reminds me tonight that I don't have to be afraid of what's to come. I don't have to be scared of what God is going to do in my life. Because anyone who loves me that deeply, that powerfully, that protectively, that passionately, that sacrificially, only wants the absolute best for me.
So I don't know what the plan is. I don't know what He's going to do. I know what I want, and I know what I don't want. But this I do know. I don't have to be afraid because I am forever covered by His perfect love... love that drives out all fear. Love that always does what's best.
#181 - Because He is going to do what's best for me...always.
"I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears." - Psalm 34:4
I like where I am. For the first time, in a long time, I can confidently and honestly say I am more than pleased with my life right now. Really, I wasn't quite sure that was going to happen, but it has. I wasn't sure that I'd ever get used to my new status, my new living arragement, my new life. I wasn't sure how I would adjust. And really, I just wasn't sure that I was ever going to really "get past" it all.
But the days have moved on, the months have flown by and I find myself easily making it through each day. I anticipate the days to come and look forward to what lies ahead. And I'm very content with my cirucmstances. I don't have an itch for one certain thing or another. I'm just happy where I am, doing what I'm doing, and I don't want anything to change that.
Over the past many years, I got to a point where I began to really question why my life had turned out the way it did. Boring, uneventful, monotonous. I had a feeling that God had more in store for my life than what I was experiencing, but it just didn't seem like I was getting anywhere. Stiffled, I suppose you could stay. Stuck. But I have come to realize that when I look at my life, I only look at the present. I only take into consideration the near future. I forget that when God looks at it, He sees the whole thing, including all of the years left ahead of me. I don't know how many are to come, but I get impatient and ready for Him to act, to do something. To do what I thought He would do... what I want Him to do.
So I've spent a lot of time telling God what I think He should do and what I want Him to do. I've told Him when I'd like for Him to do it, too. Of course, I haven't said it quite that bluntly but have done a pretty good job of sugar coating it so that I didn't seem "pushy and demanding." And so, a few months ago, as my fears had been fully fed, I kept telling Him what I thought would be best. I had a good game plan figured out and hoped that He'd catch on to it. But God made it clear to me that no matter how much I wanted it, no matter how much I thought He should do it, it wasn't going to happen. After asking and asking and demanding and whining, He gave me a definite answer. And I had spent months in fear. Fear of what would happen. Fear of the worst happening. Fears that turned into realities.
But the fear began to dissipate over time. Slowly but surely, He removed those fears. In different ways, in different forms, He calmed those fears and turned them into assurances. And I stopped being so scared. So afraid.
"And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world. Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love." (1 John 4:17-18)
And I found out the truth in those beautiful words. Perfect love, divine love means I don't have to be afraid. Fear is a thief, stealing our joy and peace. Robbing us of assurance, of the assurance that we are greatly loved. And I've realized that I'm often scared that, for some strange reason, my fears will be met and I'll get exactly what I was NOT hoping for. I'll get what I did NOT want. And why is it that we think God looks at our hearts, sees our fears and desires, and chooses to give us the things that terrify us? Why do we expect the worst when all we've ever received is the best? Why do we have a hard time believing that He really does want to give us the desires of our hearts? (Psalm 37:4)
He reminds me tonight that I don't have to be afraid of what's to come. I don't have to be scared of what God is going to do in my life. Because anyone who loves me that deeply, that powerfully, that protectively, that passionately, that sacrificially, only wants the absolute best for me.
So I don't know what the plan is. I don't know what He's going to do. I know what I want, and I know what I don't want. But this I do know. I don't have to be afraid because I am forever covered by His perfect love... love that drives out all fear. Love that always does what's best.
#181 - Because He is going to do what's best for me...always.
"I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears." - Psalm 34:4