Reason #243

I drove home from work feeling a little discouraged today. Discouraged, frustrated and disappointed. Another situation that is out of my control, and I hate that. I like to be in control, be involved. Truthfully, I like things to go my way. Because I had it all planned out. Two years ago, I had it decided. This was where I was going to plant myself, dig deep roots, and grow. A door had opened for me. I thought it was a long shot, but I was given an opportunity. This was it. The perfect fit.

But things change, as they always seem to do. Some things change for the better, some things don't. Change is good, change is hard. So you'd think, by now, I would have learned to roll with the punches. You'd think, by now, I'd be up for any adventure. But I'm still me. Still Brittnye. Still that girl who likes planning ahead. A girl who prefers stability, predictability, and routines.

Trust. The challenge comes again. Trust. Have faith. Because I, once again, am back in the guessing game. Once again, back in the waiting space. Uncertainty, and I don't know what to do. Torn between options and it's hard to decide. A or B? I just want to know. I want to fast forward three months so that I can know. But I don't know. I don't know what lies ahead, I don't know what the future holds. But I do know this. My way, although it often seems like it, is not the best way.

As I stood in my bathroom getting ready for bed, the words from a song began to play in my mind.

"God, you know where I've been

You were there with me then

You were faithful before

You'll be faithful again..."

 

And I thought about His faithfulness. I thought back to the beginning of the year. I was smack dab in the middle of uncertainty. Every single aspect of my life was uncertain. The only thing I knew for a fact was nothing is certain. But that was over half a year ago. And as I wrapped up my night tonight, I thought about how well all of the uncertainty has turned out. Because I had no clue what was ahead of me. I had no idea what amazing things He had in store for me. I couldn't even fathom the blessings awaiting because I was trying so hard to force things to happen my way. My planning, predictable way. And my, what incredible things He did when I quit trying to do it my way and decided to follow His way.

 

But the Lord knows this about me. He knows full well that I like to take charge and do things my way. He also knows, full well, that I have no clue what I'm doing. And so I praise Him that He keeps things out of my control, thus keeping me from creating a huge mess full of regrets and hard lessons. Because the truth is, when it's out of my control, out of my hands, that's when I lean on Him most. That's when I trust Him and seek Him. That's when my faith is challenged, and that's when it really grows.

 

So I'm glad He doesn't let me have my way. For many, many reasons, I'm glad He hasn't let me have my way because His way truly is better. And I'm thankful that He knows where I've been, where I am, where I'm going. He was faithful when I was there, is faithful right here, and will be faithful when I finally get there... wherever "there" ends up being.

 

 

#243 - Because He keeps things out of my control for a reason.

 

 

"You faithfully answer our prayers with awesome deeds, O God our savior." - Psalm 65:5