Reason #261
My heart is full today. Full to the fullest capacity and I feel overwhelmed. Engulfed in His love. I sat in church and it was as if the sermon was for me. A word that spoke directly to my heart and encouraged me in the ways only He can. My vision became blurred as tears stung my eyes. I did my best to hold them back and discretly wiped away the few that escaped down my cheek. A full heart often means full tear ducts, both of which overflowed in gratitude.
This year is leap year, so we have an extra day to enjoy 2012. February 29 pushed every day back one day. Would this have not been a leap year, today would be October 1.
You know the story by now. There's no need for me to re-tell it. If you've frequented my blog, you know the details. You've had a front row seat on this rollercoaster. You've read about my ups and downs. You've walked through heartache with me. But here's a new story for you. Here's what happened the day after Saturday, October 1.
I woke up on Sunday morning after 3 hours of restless sleep. My eyes were almost completely swollen shut. Church was starting at 9:30 and I had to be there. I'm a sucker for Sundays. I love them! I absolutely love going to church, always have and always will. This was a Sunday I would have preferred to skip, but I couldn't. I had been assigned the task of leading my Sunday school class in bible study that morning. I rolled out of bed, put on just enough make-up to give my pale face some color, slipped on my black cotton dress, and put on my glasses to try and hide my puffy eyes. I walked into the back of the dark sanctuary. I couldn't believe what had transpired in my life a few short hours before. I also couldn't believe I was about to lead a bible study. My heart was completely shattered, my world, shaken. And so the worship began and the tears streamed down my face uncontrolably. I snuck out of the sanctuary and stood in the bathroom trying to get it together. I walked the flights of stairs up to the third floor of the church and sat down in the Sunday school class by myself. This was really it. This was happening. And now, of all things, I was supposed to lead a group of my closest friends through a study over the Holy Spirit. And so I muttered a weak, painful prayer and I just asked that He'd get me through it. Just give me the words to say, speak through me. I don't remember the exact lesson that was covered but I remembered one of the verses I used. I had put it in there for myself intentionally, but it just so happened to go with the lesson.
"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will." - Romans 8:26-27
This quickly became my life verse because I didn't know what to pray for. Half of the time, I didn't even know what to say. I couldn't come up with the right words because I couldn't wrap my mind around this. Weakness, that's all I felt. Weak and ashamed and broken. But God knew my heart. He saw it in its entirety. And so many times, as I groaned in pain and anguish, the Spirit groaned for me. And He heard. He heard the heartfelt cries of His daughter and He knew exactly what they meant. Without words, He knew. And so the journey began. My feet were set firmly on the most difficult road I have ever walked. A road I was absolutely terrified to be on. Scared out of my wits as I was living out my worst nightmare. I thought it would never end. It drug out and all I wanted was to be elsewhere. All I wanted was to be finished, done with it. But there's no quick fix for a broken heart, and deep down, I knew that. And so I just prayed for His will to be done. I prayed that He would be glorified because that was the only way any good would come from it.
Here I am, one year later. I made it to church early this morning to help lead bible study. I didn't sneak in to the back of the dark sanctuary or spend half of the service in the bathroom trying to hold it together. No, a year later, I sat at the front of the church surrounded by sweet friends. New friends whom I have grown to love so dearly. Friends who have lifted my spirits, helped heal a broken heart and have loved me unconditionally. People who have changed my life and don't even realize it. And I just thought about how good God is. I thought about how He always, always had a plan. Nothing is ever wasted. The pastor used a quote that I jotted down inside of my bible, "God equips us to face difficulties not without pain but without stain."
So here's the truth. Here's what I want to say. It passed, the worst is over. It hurt. It hurt really bad, and it was miserable while it lasted. But I learned so much through it. I learned so much about myself, about God, about life. And there is truth in that quote above. Difficulities are called difficulties for a reason. They are hard to get through. But I serve a Redeemer. One who washes away stains with the precious lifeblood of His son. One who heals broken hearts and binds up crushed spirits. A God who will use every thing to bring glory to His name if you'll let Him. One who really can work all things together for the good of His children if they'll just trust Him.
And so He took His broken, fragile, hurting daughter and He did really good things. Despite the circumstances, He brought a lot of good from it. I'm not special. I'm a girl composed of flesh and scabs. Flawed and humbled and completely worthless apart from Him. My story is a common one, one that too many can relate to. But He has never stopped writing it. No, with every step, He has penned something really beautiful. And He's used it. Used the story of a simple girl to teach her about His love for her. To show her what true love looks like. To change her life for the better. Yes, He is that good!
So who would have thought this was how things were going to turn out? From the start, all has been completely unexpected. But God sees the bigger picture. He sees the purpose for it all. And I'm grateful that one year later things have gone the way they have. I'm grateful that I serve a God who is never limited to our human thoughts and expectations. And most of all, I'm grateful that no matter the situation, He really will use it to bring glory to His name.
#261 - Because He really will use whatever we offer Him to bring glory to His name.
"Father, bring glory to your name.” - John 12:28
This year is leap year, so we have an extra day to enjoy 2012. February 29 pushed every day back one day. Would this have not been a leap year, today would be October 1.
You know the story by now. There's no need for me to re-tell it. If you've frequented my blog, you know the details. You've had a front row seat on this rollercoaster. You've read about my ups and downs. You've walked through heartache with me. But here's a new story for you. Here's what happened the day after Saturday, October 1.
I woke up on Sunday morning after 3 hours of restless sleep. My eyes were almost completely swollen shut. Church was starting at 9:30 and I had to be there. I'm a sucker for Sundays. I love them! I absolutely love going to church, always have and always will. This was a Sunday I would have preferred to skip, but I couldn't. I had been assigned the task of leading my Sunday school class in bible study that morning. I rolled out of bed, put on just enough make-up to give my pale face some color, slipped on my black cotton dress, and put on my glasses to try and hide my puffy eyes. I walked into the back of the dark sanctuary. I couldn't believe what had transpired in my life a few short hours before. I also couldn't believe I was about to lead a bible study. My heart was completely shattered, my world, shaken. And so the worship began and the tears streamed down my face uncontrolably. I snuck out of the sanctuary and stood in the bathroom trying to get it together. I walked the flights of stairs up to the third floor of the church and sat down in the Sunday school class by myself. This was really it. This was happening. And now, of all things, I was supposed to lead a group of my closest friends through a study over the Holy Spirit. And so I muttered a weak, painful prayer and I just asked that He'd get me through it. Just give me the words to say, speak through me. I don't remember the exact lesson that was covered but I remembered one of the verses I used. I had put it in there for myself intentionally, but it just so happened to go with the lesson.
"And the Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words. And the Father who knows all hearts knows what the Spirit is saying, for the Spirit pleads for us believers in harmony with God’s own will." - Romans 8:26-27
This quickly became my life verse because I didn't know what to pray for. Half of the time, I didn't even know what to say. I couldn't come up with the right words because I couldn't wrap my mind around this. Weakness, that's all I felt. Weak and ashamed and broken. But God knew my heart. He saw it in its entirety. And so many times, as I groaned in pain and anguish, the Spirit groaned for me. And He heard. He heard the heartfelt cries of His daughter and He knew exactly what they meant. Without words, He knew. And so the journey began. My feet were set firmly on the most difficult road I have ever walked. A road I was absolutely terrified to be on. Scared out of my wits as I was living out my worst nightmare. I thought it would never end. It drug out and all I wanted was to be elsewhere. All I wanted was to be finished, done with it. But there's no quick fix for a broken heart, and deep down, I knew that. And so I just prayed for His will to be done. I prayed that He would be glorified because that was the only way any good would come from it.
Here I am, one year later. I made it to church early this morning to help lead bible study. I didn't sneak in to the back of the dark sanctuary or spend half of the service in the bathroom trying to hold it together. No, a year later, I sat at the front of the church surrounded by sweet friends. New friends whom I have grown to love so dearly. Friends who have lifted my spirits, helped heal a broken heart and have loved me unconditionally. People who have changed my life and don't even realize it. And I just thought about how good God is. I thought about how He always, always had a plan. Nothing is ever wasted. The pastor used a quote that I jotted down inside of my bible, "God equips us to face difficulties not without pain but without stain."
So here's the truth. Here's what I want to say. It passed, the worst is over. It hurt. It hurt really bad, and it was miserable while it lasted. But I learned so much through it. I learned so much about myself, about God, about life. And there is truth in that quote above. Difficulities are called difficulties for a reason. They are hard to get through. But I serve a Redeemer. One who washes away stains with the precious lifeblood of His son. One who heals broken hearts and binds up crushed spirits. A God who will use every thing to bring glory to His name if you'll let Him. One who really can work all things together for the good of His children if they'll just trust Him.
And so He took His broken, fragile, hurting daughter and He did really good things. Despite the circumstances, He brought a lot of good from it. I'm not special. I'm a girl composed of flesh and scabs. Flawed and humbled and completely worthless apart from Him. My story is a common one, one that too many can relate to. But He has never stopped writing it. No, with every step, He has penned something really beautiful. And He's used it. Used the story of a simple girl to teach her about His love for her. To show her what true love looks like. To change her life for the better. Yes, He is that good!
So who would have thought this was how things were going to turn out? From the start, all has been completely unexpected. But God sees the bigger picture. He sees the purpose for it all. And I'm grateful that one year later things have gone the way they have. I'm grateful that I serve a God who is never limited to our human thoughts and expectations. And most of all, I'm grateful that no matter the situation, He really will use it to bring glory to His name.
#261 - Because He really will use whatever we offer Him to bring glory to His name.
"Father, bring glory to your name.” - John 12:28