Reason #301
Today was a really beautiful day! It’s November and it’s in the 80’s, but I love it! I love warm weather and wish it could be like this year round. I was in the office by myself today, completely by myself. Both of my co-workers had the day off and I won’t pretend that I wasn’t a tad envious. Anyhow, I decided I would venture out for a coke during lunch. I needed a Friday pick-me-up, and I was looking for an excuse to get me out of the office for a minute.
Off to Sonic I went. I have a pathetic addiction to vanilla diet cokes, so I try to limit myself to only drinking them on the weekends. Friday is basically the weekend, right? I sat and waited for my drink with the window rolled down. The sun was warm and the wind was slightly blowing. There was not a single cloud in the sky today so the sunlight was at maximum capacity. It was just a really good, peaceful moment. My drink order was wrong, and I was actually glad about it. I didn’t mind waiting a few extra minutes for it to get fixed. Really, if it would have been an option, I would have pulled out of the Sonic parking lot and not gone back to work. But I enjoyed that little moment because for the few minutes I sat there, with the sunlight beaming down and the warm air filling my car, it was as if all was right with the world. At least in my little world, that is.
I don’t have those moments very often. Well, maybe I do, I just don’t pay attention to them every time. But I’ve become an incredibly reflective person and so when I have those little moments of nostalgia, I really appreciate them. And here’s the thing, I LOVE reflecting. I really do. I used to hate it. I hated having memories and thoughts. I hated going to places that were familiar from the past. I’d drive by a building or a street and become upset. I would go somewhere and be flooded with hurtful memories. And so I tried to avoid any and everything that might cause me a tiny bit of pain. Seriously, anything. Food, stores, restaurants, TV shows, certain words, clothes, ect. But it was if I couldn’t escape it, and the truth is, it’s pretty hard to get away from yourself. Over time, I realized I didn’t have to feel that way. I was choosing to do this to myself. I was becoming a glutton for punishment, and so I had to reroute my thinking. The brain is really powerful. A holder of memories and thoughts. A small space that stores an incredible amount of information. And wouldn’t it be nice if we could pick it apart sometimes? Pull out those yucky thoughts and memories that damage and stuff it full of really pleasant things? Wouldn’t it be nice if our brain didn’t have a brain of its own?
And so I had to stop it. Simple as that. Quit! Quit trying to help myself out. Because truth is, I wasn’t doing myself a bit of good trying to live in this little safe world I was attempting to create. I had to confront my fears along what ever pain was associated with them and overcome them. They say the best way to get over a fear is to actually face it, and while that might not be the best idea in every situation, it certainly worked for me. Living a life in defeat is no way to live, trust me. And once you do, once you get past the awkwardness and discomfort of the initial fear facing challenge, you realize it’s not so bad. And if you can do it for one thing, you can do it for another.
So I drove down Avenue Q today to get to Sonic. I passed my old place of employment, the old street I used to live on. I drove past places that were really familiar, places that only have a spot in my history, and it didn’t bother me in the least. No pain, no discomfort. Rather, I had a grateful heart. A heart full of praise not only for what God has done, but for what God is doing. Because He has done and is doing quite remarkable things. Things I never dreamed would be a possibility. Things I never imagined. And, because of this gracious Redeemer and Healer, all is right in my little world.
#301 – Because He makes things right!
"Save me and rescue me, for you do what is right. Turn your ear to listen to me, and set me free. Be my rock of safety where I can always hide." -Psalm 71:2-3