Reason #305

Big brothers are a God-send. Really, they are. I have a really close family, I mean close. We see each other quite often. Of course, we all live in the same town so that helps. Anyway, my family bought season tickets to the Tech games this year. This was a first for us. I have gone to every home Tech game since my first year at Tech, but this is the first year my family has joined. My parents went to a few games with me last year, thus we were able to convince my dad that braving the crowd wasn’t half bad. In my opinion, a live football game beats the pants off a televised game. I know he doesn’t agree but I bet we’ll convince him to renew his season ticket next year. So I sat by my brother at the game on Saturday. I’ve told you about him before. Aside from the fact that he is my brother, he has played quite a significant role in my life.

 

Saturday night, my girlfriends and I were discussing our brothers. Two of us have older brothers and one has two older brother-in-laws. We came to the conclusion that we appreciated the “fact of the matter” perspective that most of the male population possesses. Now, my brother has a soft heart. Out of the two of us, he is definitely the nice one. From the looks of him, you wouldn’t peg him as a softie (and he may not appreciate me giving out this information about him), but he is. Rarely do you see a 6-foot-something burly man covered in tattoos and expect him to have an award-winning personality. But he does! He is a good man.

 

I know I’ve spent a lot of time reminiscing over the past many posts, but this is definitely a reflective month for me. A lot of people spend time giving thanks each day during November, and while I think that’s a wonderful idea, my gratitude stems from reflecting because I have been given a new perspective on being thankful. The word “thankful” has been redefined for me and so the only way I can explain my gratitude is to give you an insider’s glimpse.

 

I’m sure you’re thinking, “We know the story. We’ve been through this.” But the truth is, if you’ve read my blog, you’ve walked with me through the aftermath. You’ve been given glimpses and snippets here and there, but you don’t know all the details. Some are really ugly, some are heart-wrenching, some are depressing and some are just plain shocking. But my purpose in this is not to reveal anything other than a night and day comparison. My aim is to, as always, prove how good God is. And, through it all, my goal is to give Him glory.

 

As I talked with my girlfriends about brothers, a memory came back that I hadn’t had in almost a year. It was about this time last year, when I was staying with my parents, and my brother called me one night. I come from a family of chatterboxes and I’ll venture to say that he talks more than I do, if you can imagine that. And so I answered and we began to talk. Now, my mom is the hub of the family wheel. She gets to hear everyone’s story and so she would update my brother. It was just easier for me to tell my parents and for them to relay information to everyone rather than doing it myself over and over. And so my brother had been given more information and he called to give me his thoughts. For at least an hour he talked and my heart broke. Truthfully, I was so mad. I wasn’t mad at him, per se, but I was mad at what he was saying. Because every word that was leaving his mouth was truth and I didn’t want to hear it. I wanted him to lie to me. Tell me that everything was going to be okay and go the way I wanted it to. I didn’t want him to defend me, I wanted him to agree with me. And although I knew deep down that he was hitting the nail on the head, I wasn’t the least bit happy about it. I didn’t want to believe him, and I wanted to discount everything he was saying. And so we hung up the phone, and I was fuming. Mad in a strange way. Because really, it’s pretty silly to be mad at someone who is acting on your behalf purely out of love. And isn’t that what real love is? Doesn’t real love come to your side and confront you with truth? Doesn’t real love give you the facts, even if they aren’t what you want to hear? Doesn’t real love “man up” and have a difficult conversation with you even though it’s going to upset you? Real love takes the risk and counts the cost because real love is selfless. Real love doesn’t mind temporarily hurting your little selfish feelings if it’s for your own good. Real love doesn’t hold your temper-tantrum ways against you when you lash out because of hurt. Real love simply looks out for you, tells you how it is, and reminds you of exactly how it should be.

 

So I cried in the Hobby Lobby parking lot, finally dried it up, and moved on through the season. Real love was right. Real love knew what he was talking about. Like my mom always says, “Men know how men think.” And real love called it.

 

Three hundred and five days ago, my brother unknowingly gave me this idea. He has aided in my healing more than he knew. And if we’re giving credit where credit is due, second to a gracious, merciful and loving God, my brother gets credit for this. This journey of walking through the aftermath of devastation. This journey of learning how to really be thankful when it doesn’t seem that there is much to be thankful for. A journey of healing, which is what it has become. Laid out on the table, out in the open and exposed in hopes that it will make a difference. Hopes that He will use it not only to remind me of His goodness each and every day, but that it would be proof to others what He can do when you let Him. Proof what real love looks like, and He has taken me on a journey to show me exactly that. Because real love isn’t flowers and chocolate and sparkly things. Real love isn’t boxes with bows or cards with words. Real love doesn’t take the easy way out. No, real love is hard, real love is a choice, real love means you don’t run even though you’d like to. And so I’m thankful to experience real love, to know real love. And I’m thankful that Real Love, Himself, has given me a big brother who has displayed that for me time and time again. Because the truth in it all, in everything that I have learned, is that when you finally experience Real Love, when you comprehend and understand it, it changes your life forever.

 

#305 – Because of Real Love and big brothers who display it!

 

"But let all who take refuge in you rejoice; let them sing joyful praises forever. Spread your protection over them, that all who love your name may be filled with joy. For you bless the godly, O Lord; you surround them with your shield of love." - Psalm 5:11-12