Reason #365
One year. One full year I've been doing this. For 365 days I have blogged out my life. I've been brutually, and sometimes painfully, honest. For 365 nights, I've sat in bed with my laptop and poured my heart out through key strokes. It became my therapy. My prayer. My way to praise Him in the midst of the storm. I committed to doing it, too. For 1000 days, I committed to telling people what God was doing in my life. I remember the night He laid it on my heart. I was sitting in my parents living room alone. It was dark and late, and they had gone to bed. I didn't sleep much then, which has become a trend now. But it was one of those moments where the Lord just really made it clear. And I thought, "Who will care?" But there was no denying what God was asking me to do and so I did it. I had this thought rolling around in my head that my brother had unknowingly challenged me with and I decided this was how I was going to accomplish it. Sure, I could have just stopped and made a list right then and there, but I needed more than that. And initially, this was going to be simply that. Little everyday things I was thankful for. But each night as my fingers pecked at the keyboard, words would come from a deep place within. Words that were not my own, but words that brought such comfort and relief.
I've learned a lot about myself by doing this. I've admitted a lot about myself, too. I've been forced to reflect and make changes. I've been forced to practice what I preach. I've had to face some ugly monsters. I've had to deal with some things I would have rather run from. But I had committed and so on those nights when it hurt, when I was tired, when I felt completely overwhelmed and discouraged, I gave myself no option. I decided on day 1 that I would not allow myself a way out, after all, isn't that the whole purpose of a committment? And very quickly, I realized how much I needed this time. Because I would have those days where I could hardly breathe, and I knew if I could just sit down and let my fingers do the walking, we would work it out. We would come to a conclusion, God and I, and He'd teach me something really remarkable. He'd reveal His glory to me in an incredible way, and I would be overcome with His peace before the final words were typed.
I had no idea the rollercoaster ride I was entering into. I had no idea what God was going to do in my life. Everything was truly a surprise. There were some good, fun turns, some nauseauting loops, some terrifying drops, and a few slow and easy climbs. And here's the thing, it's easy to give up and run when the going gets hard. Unfortunately, that's human nature. It seems the easiest thing to do at the time is to shut down and throw in the towel. But I was not giving up. I was staying on this rollercoaster of a ride no matter how scary it got. I will say that my determination and hard-headedness really worked in my favor and came through as a positive thing in this instance. And so we did it. I use the term "we" lightly because He did it. But here's what I've come to realize. Sometimes all we can do is just hang on and sit tight. And I'm grateful that I did exactly that. I can take no credit for any good that has transpired in my life since October 2011. I simply stayed. No matter what happened, I clung to Him and chose to believe His promises. It was all I had, and so I put my faith in the unshakeable God. I trusted Him with my whole heart and I stopped trying to figure it out. I quit trying to fix and force things to happen, and I humbly submitted to our gracious God. 1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."
"Who will care?" He did. God has cared about every single day of my life, and for the past 365 days He has cared what about whatever my fingers have typed out. When I was angry, when I was hurt, when I was in the deepest of valleys, when I didn't understand, when I never thought I'd find happiness again, when I thought the tears would never go away, when things started to turn around, when my life was turned upside down for the worse and then for the better, when I was filled with joy, when I didn't think things could possibly get any better, He cared. And through it all, I have realized that the reason He asked me to do this was for me. Because He knew how to heal me. He knew how deeply words affect me. He knew I needed a way to think and rationalize, and He knew that the only way I could move on was if I began to understand the truth about me, about Him, and about how much He really does care.
I love to write. I love words and the power they pack. I heard this song a while back, No Matter What, by Kerrie Roberts. If I were to ever talented enough to pen words to a song, I think it would be this. In fact, I feel like this could probably be my theme song. And I'm so grateful that God has been faithful to hang in there with me, too, no matter what. I'm thankful that He has been faithful to fulfill every promise and hold me close day after day. Because no matter what, it has been worth it. No matter what, it will be worth it. Because He is worth it. Worth all of our praise and all of our adoration. And I'm grateful that no matter what may come, He'll always care.
#365 - Because He always cares, no matter what.
"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (The Message)
I've learned a lot about myself by doing this. I've admitted a lot about myself, too. I've been forced to reflect and make changes. I've been forced to practice what I preach. I've had to face some ugly monsters. I've had to deal with some things I would have rather run from. But I had committed and so on those nights when it hurt, when I was tired, when I felt completely overwhelmed and discouraged, I gave myself no option. I decided on day 1 that I would not allow myself a way out, after all, isn't that the whole purpose of a committment? And very quickly, I realized how much I needed this time. Because I would have those days where I could hardly breathe, and I knew if I could just sit down and let my fingers do the walking, we would work it out. We would come to a conclusion, God and I, and He'd teach me something really remarkable. He'd reveal His glory to me in an incredible way, and I would be overcome with His peace before the final words were typed.
I had no idea the rollercoaster ride I was entering into. I had no idea what God was going to do in my life. Everything was truly a surprise. There were some good, fun turns, some nauseauting loops, some terrifying drops, and a few slow and easy climbs. And here's the thing, it's easy to give up and run when the going gets hard. Unfortunately, that's human nature. It seems the easiest thing to do at the time is to shut down and throw in the towel. But I was not giving up. I was staying on this rollercoaster of a ride no matter how scary it got. I will say that my determination and hard-headedness really worked in my favor and came through as a positive thing in this instance. And so we did it. I use the term "we" lightly because He did it. But here's what I've come to realize. Sometimes all we can do is just hang on and sit tight. And I'm grateful that I did exactly that. I can take no credit for any good that has transpired in my life since October 2011. I simply stayed. No matter what happened, I clung to Him and chose to believe His promises. It was all I had, and so I put my faith in the unshakeable God. I trusted Him with my whole heart and I stopped trying to figure it out. I quit trying to fix and force things to happen, and I humbly submitted to our gracious God. 1 Peter 5:6-7 says, "So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you."
"Who will care?" He did. God has cared about every single day of my life, and for the past 365 days He has cared what about whatever my fingers have typed out. When I was angry, when I was hurt, when I was in the deepest of valleys, when I didn't understand, when I never thought I'd find happiness again, when I thought the tears would never go away, when things started to turn around, when my life was turned upside down for the worse and then for the better, when I was filled with joy, when I didn't think things could possibly get any better, He cared. And through it all, I have realized that the reason He asked me to do this was for me. Because He knew how to heal me. He knew how deeply words affect me. He knew I needed a way to think and rationalize, and He knew that the only way I could move on was if I began to understand the truth about me, about Him, and about how much He really does care.
I love to write. I love words and the power they pack. I heard this song a while back, No Matter What, by Kerrie Roberts. If I were to ever talented enough to pen words to a song, I think it would be this. In fact, I feel like this could probably be my theme song. And I'm so grateful that God has been faithful to hang in there with me, too, no matter what. I'm thankful that He has been faithful to fulfill every promise and hold me close day after day. Because no matter what, it has been worth it. No matter what, it will be worth it. Because He is worth it. Worth all of our praise and all of our adoration. And I'm grateful that no matter what may come, He'll always care.
#365 - Because He always cares, no matter what.
"Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (The Message)