Reason #473
I took a short lunch today. I ran across the street for a sandwich and was back within 30 minutes. It’s no secret that I’m not a morning person, and since the next two weeks are kind of hectic for me, I am having to cut my lunches and stay a bit longer to make up for my time deficit. I walked in and found a customer waiting to be helped. The concierge passed her on to me, informing me that she needed a notary and needed to open a new account. She sat down, we quickly opened her account and she waited quietly with a large manila envelope in her lap. I started to sense it. I could tell she was sad, so I tried to make small talk with her. Find something in common, you know. She gave me half-hearted smiles with each reply, but I knew why she was at my desk today. The way she sat, the sorrow in her eyes, the pain she was trying so hard to conceal, it was no secret to me. We had a lot more in common than she expected.
I was that woman sitting at the banker’s desk fighting back tears. I had come in to close my account and re-open a new one. She asked me questions I didn’t want to answer, and so I finally told her why I was there. She didn’t know what to say because she didn’t understand. Fortunately, for me, my dad showed up half way through and his presence gave me the strength to keep it together. Today, it wasn’t that way. And I remember well the day I went to get my papers notarized. In secret, in the back room at the police department, and only two people knew why I was there. I cried a few tears before drying it up, and my dad was there to give me a hug before going to back to work. But I’m sure she as she watched me work, she thought, “that girl doesn’t understand.” And I’m sure as she looked at the ring on my finger, she thought, “Of course, everyone is married except for me now. Everyone has someone to love, accept, and walk through life with them except for me now.” But I understood. I caught of glimpse of her papers before I stood up from my desk and my heart hurt for her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and cry with her, but not everyone is as touchy feely as I am and that may have been a bit much to do to a complete stranger. But I recalled those very feelings, and as she slid her papers over to me in an attempt to conceal the title, I said, “I had to do this a few years ago, too. I am so very sorry. I know how you feel.” She started to tear up but she held it together. She’s a strong woman, I can tell. She was beautiful and kind, and I knew she had tried. You can tell that, too, because I’ve seen this situation play out more than once at my desk, and not everyone tries. But she had tried and she had still received that envelope in the mail. That large manila envelope with a lawyer’s return address. Those stupid papers that become permanent pages in the story of your life. Papers you have to carry around with you so you can prove to people that you are unwanted, rejected, unloved and abandoned. Papers that forever change your life and are filed away until the end of time. And until you’ve been through it, you don’t understand. The pain, the humiliation, the embarrassment, you just don’t get it.
Well, after I did my best to encourage her, I gave her the same challenge I gave myself because I felt like, to date, it was some of the best advice ever given to me. Find 1000 reasons to smile. I told her how every day I have looked for something good, because the truth is, there are a lot of good things in this world. The problem is that we allow our sorrow, the darkness, the lies to overshadow them, and so you just have to look really hard some days. Maybe it’s a good cup of coffee in the morning, maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s a friend, or even just a good night’s rest. There is always something. And I just hope she felt a little better realizing she’s not alone in boat. There’s nothing more refreshing and encouraging to meet someone who truly understands. Someone who has been there and won’t judge you. Someone who can sympathize and give you hope. A reminder that life does go on and life always gets better. And so I just tried to do that today because the Lord has done that for me every single day.
Day #473 and here’s what I have learned along the way. God is good every day. He showers us with blessings if we just keep our eyes on Him. Because when you are focused on Him rather than yourself, you see goodness everywhere. And even when we feel unwanted, rejected, unloved and abandoned, we aren’t. She made a comment that she was going to hang on to His promises, which is the best thing you could ever do. Hold on, sink your fingers in and don’t let go. Trust Him even when your trust is almost gone. Believe Him even if things don’t make sense. And things will get better, they really will. So I just praise Him for giving me the strength and courage to make it through each day, for never leaving or forsaking me, and for always giving me promises to hold on to.
#473 - Because as we hold on to His promises, He holds on to us.
"God’s way is perfect. All the Lord’s promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection." - Psalm 18:30