Reason #540
I started out my day with a massage. It was the most interesting massage I've had to date, and it was one of the best ones at that. The therapist was able to tell a lot about my body as she hit certain trigger points. As she began to rub the side of my temples and jawbones, she said, "Do you grind your teeth often?" I was amazed that she could tell that from poking around on my face. I do. I grind my teeth and clench my jaws all night long when I sleep. I don't think I've done this my whole life, however. About a year and a half ago, I began waking up in the morning with a really sore jaw. I asked the dentist about it, and I was reassured that as long as I kept wearing my retainers to bed, my teeth would be okay. But the habit was formed and Aaron noticed that when I was asleep I would chomp my teeth as if I was biting something. There's really not a whole lot you can do to control your actions, while sleeping. My jaws just got used to the pressure, and the muscles in my neck suffered from it.
The therapist said, "Are you a type A personality?" Yes. "Do you have a hard time speaking what's on your mind and sharing thoughts?" Yes. How in the world was she getting all of this from giving me a massage? This was turning into actual therapy. She said, "Studies have shown that Type A people, and people who don't share their thoughts, usually grind their teeth or clench their jaws when sleeping. By worrying and bottling everything up, rather than getting it out in the open and saying what they need to say, their brain continues to process the frustration of that at night leading them to clench their jaws." What?! But it made perfect sense. And as I laid there and thought about it, the words of a song came to my mind. Words that got placed there last night, and once again as I turned the radio on this morning. And I realized what I needed to do.
You see, I walk this fine line between sharing my feelings and always talking. Sometimes people think talkative individuals share too much. I'm not one of those individuals. I share, but I don't always verbalize my deep emotions or thoughts. And when I'm really struggling with something, I tend to keep it to myself. There are a few reasons for this, but mostly I just don't want to hurt feelings. I don't want to cause friction, shock, or disappoint someone. I don't want to say something I can't take back, either. And, most of the time, I don't even really know how to say what I want to say. I just know how I feel and sometimes putting feelings into words can be really hard. But when those times come that I do share, when I'm vulnerable and open and reveal parts of my heart that I'd rather not, I just want to be heard. I want to be able to say what I'm thinking and feeling without being told what to do or given advice. I want to share this information free of criticism, and I just want to be understood.
I realized that when I do decide I want to talk, I talk to everyone I know about my thoughts and emotions. I share with them my struggles and challenges only to end up frustrated. Annoyed at how it was received. Annoyed that I was just simply sharing to get it off my chest and ended up getting a lot of unsolicited "how-to's" that only made me feel worse. Annoyed that it seems no one really knows what to say, how to help, or understands how I feel. And then on the other hand, there are moments when I just won't say anything at all. I'll hold it in and struggle with it internally until I have a breakdown, which is usually pretty ugly. And, lately, I've just come to a point where I feel like I have no one I can relate to. I already know what people are going to tell me when I share, and I just feel like I don't have anyone who gets what I'm really saying. So I've felt discouraged and alone, and I've felt like it's too much for me to wrap my brain around and figured out by myself. I just need help.
Why is it that prayer is more often times our last resort than our first? Because the truth is, when we need to talk about these things, we need to go to God first. We don't need to share with everyone else to see what they say and then end up going to Him when we're discouraged, frustrated, and disappointed with the feedback we've received from others. They are just trying to help after all, but they don't know our hearts or our thoughts like God does. And whether or not we know how to say it, don't want to say, or just end up saying too much, God wants us to come to Him and lay it at the foot of the throne. What better place to be than at His feet when you're feeling confused, unheard, misunderstood, and alone? God understands us. He knows us because He made us. Even when we don't understand ourselves, He does. He gets us. Everything we say, He gets. He knows how we are feeling, we don't even have to tell Him. We can just sit there and let our hearts do the talking rather than our mouths. And even when we feel talked out or just too tired to say anything, He still gets it and He understands. There's nothing we can tell Him that's going to shock Him, disappoint Him, or let Him down. And He never says things like "I told you so," or "I figured this was going to happen," or "I knew it." He listens. And He always has the solution, too. It's not the typical "well, this is what I've done and it worked for me" advice. God doesn't give us a general answer that may or may not work, He knows exactly what will work for each one of us. He gives us truth, and it sets us free.
I'm grateful to serve a God who will listen to me anytime, in any place. That He will listen to as long as needed regardless of what I say and even when I don't really know how to put it into words. And I'm grateful that He understands. That He actually hears me, knows what I'm getting at, and knows exactly what to do to help me understand, too. We've always go someone to talk to even when it seems we don't. And we really can tell Him any and everything. So no matter what we say, or how we say it, He will always be there to hear us out with love, compassion, and understanding.
#540 - For a God who hears us, understand us, and always knows how to help us.
"Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my plea! Answer me because you are faithful and righteous." - Psalm 143:1
The therapist said, "Are you a type A personality?" Yes. "Do you have a hard time speaking what's on your mind and sharing thoughts?" Yes. How in the world was she getting all of this from giving me a massage? This was turning into actual therapy. She said, "Studies have shown that Type A people, and people who don't share their thoughts, usually grind their teeth or clench their jaws when sleeping. By worrying and bottling everything up, rather than getting it out in the open and saying what they need to say, their brain continues to process the frustration of that at night leading them to clench their jaws." What?! But it made perfect sense. And as I laid there and thought about it, the words of a song came to my mind. Words that got placed there last night, and once again as I turned the radio on this morning. And I realized what I needed to do.
You see, I walk this fine line between sharing my feelings and always talking. Sometimes people think talkative individuals share too much. I'm not one of those individuals. I share, but I don't always verbalize my deep emotions or thoughts. And when I'm really struggling with something, I tend to keep it to myself. There are a few reasons for this, but mostly I just don't want to hurt feelings. I don't want to cause friction, shock, or disappoint someone. I don't want to say something I can't take back, either. And, most of the time, I don't even really know how to say what I want to say. I just know how I feel and sometimes putting feelings into words can be really hard. But when those times come that I do share, when I'm vulnerable and open and reveal parts of my heart that I'd rather not, I just want to be heard. I want to be able to say what I'm thinking and feeling without being told what to do or given advice. I want to share this information free of criticism, and I just want to be understood.
I realized that when I do decide I want to talk, I talk to everyone I know about my thoughts and emotions. I share with them my struggles and challenges only to end up frustrated. Annoyed at how it was received. Annoyed that I was just simply sharing to get it off my chest and ended up getting a lot of unsolicited "how-to's" that only made me feel worse. Annoyed that it seems no one really knows what to say, how to help, or understands how I feel. And then on the other hand, there are moments when I just won't say anything at all. I'll hold it in and struggle with it internally until I have a breakdown, which is usually pretty ugly. And, lately, I've just come to a point where I feel like I have no one I can relate to. I already know what people are going to tell me when I share, and I just feel like I don't have anyone who gets what I'm really saying. So I've felt discouraged and alone, and I've felt like it's too much for me to wrap my brain around and figured out by myself. I just need help.
Why is it that prayer is more often times our last resort than our first? Because the truth is, when we need to talk about these things, we need to go to God first. We don't need to share with everyone else to see what they say and then end up going to Him when we're discouraged, frustrated, and disappointed with the feedback we've received from others. They are just trying to help after all, but they don't know our hearts or our thoughts like God does. And whether or not we know how to say it, don't want to say, or just end up saying too much, God wants us to come to Him and lay it at the foot of the throne. What better place to be than at His feet when you're feeling confused, unheard, misunderstood, and alone? God understands us. He knows us because He made us. Even when we don't understand ourselves, He does. He gets us. Everything we say, He gets. He knows how we are feeling, we don't even have to tell Him. We can just sit there and let our hearts do the talking rather than our mouths. And even when we feel talked out or just too tired to say anything, He still gets it and He understands. There's nothing we can tell Him that's going to shock Him, disappoint Him, or let Him down. And He never says things like "I told you so," or "I figured this was going to happen," or "I knew it." He listens. And He always has the solution, too. It's not the typical "well, this is what I've done and it worked for me" advice. God doesn't give us a general answer that may or may not work, He knows exactly what will work for each one of us. He gives us truth, and it sets us free.
I'm grateful to serve a God who will listen to me anytime, in any place. That He will listen to as long as needed regardless of what I say and even when I don't really know how to put it into words. And I'm grateful that He understands. That He actually hears me, knows what I'm getting at, and knows exactly what to do to help me understand, too. We've always go someone to talk to even when it seems we don't. And we really can tell Him any and everything. So no matter what we say, or how we say it, He will always be there to hear us out with love, compassion, and understanding.
#540 - For a God who hears us, understand us, and always knows how to help us.
"Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my plea! Answer me because you are faithful and righteous." - Psalm 143:1