Reason #553
This couple sat down at my desk first thing this morning and I knew why they were there. The man had been in last week, and I overheard his conversation with my co-worker. He shared that he and his wife were parting ways, but he seemed okay with that as he stated they'd probably be better friends anyway. Today, the two of them sat at my desk. They were both cordial and nice to one another, acting as if nothing heartbreaking were going on between them. He got up for a moment, and she quickly shared with me the reason they were there. I had a strange feeling of sorrow and anger wash over me. In the few seconds we were alone, I tried to be encouraging and consoling but I don't think it worked. He sat back down and I really wanted to say, "Please don't do this. Please try to make it work. Please don't give up." Because although I've only been married for 2 months, I am one of the many who has been in both boats. I hated that they, too, were climbing into that very boat. Because although it may seem like the only option there is, it's not.
I hear a lot of sermons preached to men about being good husbands. About loving your wife like Christ loved the church. About standing up and staying committed. And although it's easy to harp on men, as most of the women I've talked to have been left, I think there could be something said for women, too. And maybe, if we were honest and transparent with one another, some of us wouldn't find ourselves in that very mess feeling confused as to how we got there.
Don't get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing. Marriage, however, is not like they show it in the movies. Marriage isn't solely a fairy tale, either. And as little girls, all we think about it being a bride. We can't wait to get married, and we can't wait to be a Mrs. We dream about him, think about him, and try to figure out who this mystery man is. And the whole time, we have a Cinderella mind set. This man is going to be our Prince Charming, our knight in shining armor... take your pick. He is going to sweep us off our feet, he is going to cater to our every desire, and we will live the life of a princess. There will never be any rough patches, but only laughter and picnics in the park. He will dote on us, meet our needs and supply our wants, complete us, and make us happy. He will take care of us, provide us with an extravagant life, and we will never want for more. He'll somehow read our mind and always say the right things. And on top of that, he'll be the most handsome man to have ever graced the face of the earth as well as the most successful. And thus, the bar is set high...really high. Because from the age of 5, when we first realized that maybe boys weren't so bad, we've had this idea of what a husband should be like. A husband should be a Disney prince. There, you have it.
But one day you get married and you realize that Prince Charming is as made up as Cinderella. Why didn't someone tell you that? This is what it's really like? Oh, if only life were like the movies. But this mystery man, he doesn't exist. He's created. A man whom you have dreamt up from your own selfish desires. One who is basically a boy version of yourself. And if Prince Charming really did exist, well, let's be honest, he'd want himself a Cinderella.
And so as strange as this post may sound, I think it needs to be said. If you are looking to get married because you think it will solve all of your problems, don't get married. If you think marriage is going to fix you as a person and take away all of your troubles, it won't. If you think that someone else is really going to read your mind and magically meet your every want and need the moment it arises, think again. If you think marriage should conqueror your sin, increase your bank account, improve your worth, change your social status, and make you constantly happy, don't plan on it. If you think you need to get married so that you'll always be entertained and never have to be by yourself, wrong. See where I am going with this? Because we women fall victim of trying to find someone who will meet our needs. Someone who will do for us what we can or don't want to do for ourselves. We look for a person to give us worth, change our lives drastically, and basically take away every bad thing and only give us good for the rest of our lives. And we often make the mistake of seeing a few Prince Charming qualities up front and believing that somehow the rest of them will magically show up after we've said "I do."
I wish someone would have said these things to me a long time ago. I wish someone would have challenged me to think of why I really want to get married, and I wish someone would have been brutally honest with me about what marriage looks like. So if you want to really learn how to have patience, how to give and receive grace, the power of forgiveness, and how to truly share, you should get married. If you want to be humbled, be challenged, be refined, and understand sacrifice and compromise, and learn how to serve, marriage will be good for you. If you want to see the Lord's love in a new light, marriage will do that. If you want to walk through the mountains and the valleys with someone versus having to go it alone, marriage is the way to go. And if you want to love in a way you never through possible, if you want to make a daily attempt at become a better, less selfish person, if you want to learn to trust the Lord, lean on Him, seek Him, and rely on Him, marriage is for you.
Marriage is so much more than the movies show. It's beautiful, it's tough, some days are easier than others, and some seasons are more fun. But in the end, it's worth it to hang in there. Because for as many tears as you may cry, you have the opportunity to laugh twice as much. And when you need a helping hand for anything, one is available. You have someone who will share life with you, walk down every road with you so you don't have to do it by yourself, and it sure is nice to know that at the end of the day you've got someone to come home to. No one will ever meet your every want and need. Even Prince Charming has flaws, for one, he is too perfect. There is not a person in this world that will make you happy every single day, and there's no one who can give you all of your worth and value. The Lord is the only one who can do those things for you, so stop expecting it from people who are wrapped in the same flesh as you.
In the end, only one man can save you. There's only one man who can fill your every longing and need. Only one who really understands your heart and knows how you think. One who will give you joy, wipe away your tears, be your constant provider, and give you the most complete and extravagant life possible. He is the one who will solve your problems, the one who will conquer your sin and relieve your burdens. He is Jesus Christ. And thank goodness He is a man of His word. Because when we let Christ do these things for us, then, we can take the pressure off of our husbands and enjoy them. After all, two are better than one. And when two realize that, they can be one forever no matter what life throws their way.
#553 - Because when two focus on Him, He keeps them as one.
"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
I hear a lot of sermons preached to men about being good husbands. About loving your wife like Christ loved the church. About standing up and staying committed. And although it's easy to harp on men, as most of the women I've talked to have been left, I think there could be something said for women, too. And maybe, if we were honest and transparent with one another, some of us wouldn't find ourselves in that very mess feeling confused as to how we got there.
Don't get me wrong, marriage is a beautiful thing. Marriage, however, is not like they show it in the movies. Marriage isn't solely a fairy tale, either. And as little girls, all we think about it being a bride. We can't wait to get married, and we can't wait to be a Mrs. We dream about him, think about him, and try to figure out who this mystery man is. And the whole time, we have a Cinderella mind set. This man is going to be our Prince Charming, our knight in shining armor... take your pick. He is going to sweep us off our feet, he is going to cater to our every desire, and we will live the life of a princess. There will never be any rough patches, but only laughter and picnics in the park. He will dote on us, meet our needs and supply our wants, complete us, and make us happy. He will take care of us, provide us with an extravagant life, and we will never want for more. He'll somehow read our mind and always say the right things. And on top of that, he'll be the most handsome man to have ever graced the face of the earth as well as the most successful. And thus, the bar is set high...really high. Because from the age of 5, when we first realized that maybe boys weren't so bad, we've had this idea of what a husband should be like. A husband should be a Disney prince. There, you have it.
But one day you get married and you realize that Prince Charming is as made up as Cinderella. Why didn't someone tell you that? This is what it's really like? Oh, if only life were like the movies. But this mystery man, he doesn't exist. He's created. A man whom you have dreamt up from your own selfish desires. One who is basically a boy version of yourself. And if Prince Charming really did exist, well, let's be honest, he'd want himself a Cinderella.
And so as strange as this post may sound, I think it needs to be said. If you are looking to get married because you think it will solve all of your problems, don't get married. If you think marriage is going to fix you as a person and take away all of your troubles, it won't. If you think that someone else is really going to read your mind and magically meet your every want and need the moment it arises, think again. If you think marriage should conqueror your sin, increase your bank account, improve your worth, change your social status, and make you constantly happy, don't plan on it. If you think you need to get married so that you'll always be entertained and never have to be by yourself, wrong. See where I am going with this? Because we women fall victim of trying to find someone who will meet our needs. Someone who will do for us what we can or don't want to do for ourselves. We look for a person to give us worth, change our lives drastically, and basically take away every bad thing and only give us good for the rest of our lives. And we often make the mistake of seeing a few Prince Charming qualities up front and believing that somehow the rest of them will magically show up after we've said "I do."
I wish someone would have said these things to me a long time ago. I wish someone would have challenged me to think of why I really want to get married, and I wish someone would have been brutally honest with me about what marriage looks like. So if you want to really learn how to have patience, how to give and receive grace, the power of forgiveness, and how to truly share, you should get married. If you want to be humbled, be challenged, be refined, and understand sacrifice and compromise, and learn how to serve, marriage will be good for you. If you want to see the Lord's love in a new light, marriage will do that. If you want to walk through the mountains and the valleys with someone versus having to go it alone, marriage is the way to go. And if you want to love in a way you never through possible, if you want to make a daily attempt at become a better, less selfish person, if you want to learn to trust the Lord, lean on Him, seek Him, and rely on Him, marriage is for you.
Marriage is so much more than the movies show. It's beautiful, it's tough, some days are easier than others, and some seasons are more fun. But in the end, it's worth it to hang in there. Because for as many tears as you may cry, you have the opportunity to laugh twice as much. And when you need a helping hand for anything, one is available. You have someone who will share life with you, walk down every road with you so you don't have to do it by yourself, and it sure is nice to know that at the end of the day you've got someone to come home to. No one will ever meet your every want and need. Even Prince Charming has flaws, for one, he is too perfect. There is not a person in this world that will make you happy every single day, and there's no one who can give you all of your worth and value. The Lord is the only one who can do those things for you, so stop expecting it from people who are wrapped in the same flesh as you.
In the end, only one man can save you. There's only one man who can fill your every longing and need. Only one who really understands your heart and knows how you think. One who will give you joy, wipe away your tears, be your constant provider, and give you the most complete and extravagant life possible. He is the one who will solve your problems, the one who will conquer your sin and relieve your burdens. He is Jesus Christ. And thank goodness He is a man of His word. Because when we let Christ do these things for us, then, we can take the pressure off of our husbands and enjoy them. After all, two are better than one. And when two realize that, they can be one forever no matter what life throws their way.
#553 - Because when two focus on Him, He keeps them as one.
"Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:9-12