Reason #626

brave - possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance (dictionary.com)

We played catch up tonight. Aaron was gone two weeks ago, so we were behind a session in our Love & Respect bible study. Each week, when I watch it, I feel so convicted. Convicted because I see my flaws. Convicted because I realize I haven't done everything right. And convicted because I realize how wrong I am.

I am not the perfect wife. Not even sort of. And the truth is, I'll never be. Sometimes, I feel sorry for Aaron. He is so sweet, he deserves a sack sugar rather than this firecracker. Because I have been known to say the wrong things. I am not always nice. I don't always have the best reactions or responses. Some days I am not as cheery and bubbly as others. Some days I cry really easily. Sometimes I get upset by the small things. I am emotional. I take things personal. I am opinionated. I have strong convictions, and I am strong willed. And so some days marriage is tough. Most days, marriage is beautiful. But some days, it's not as easy as it could be.

Let's be real, married friends. If you haven't gone through a rough patch in your marriage, you will. It's inevitable. Sometimes those patches last longer than other times, but it happens. And one thing I've really learned though our study is that God didn't design marriage to be conflict free. Life, itself, isn't conflict free. These situations come up because you have to selfish sinners who are wanting their way. To prideful people who don't want to be the one to lose. And so one patch turns into two patches, and those patches turn into a field.

Aaron and I are 5 months in, and it has been a joy. But we've had to talk through some rough things. We've had to be brutally honest with one another and call one another out on certain behaviors. We've had to accept things about ourselves that we didn't necessarily want to accept. We've had to be open minded and willing to bend, and we've had to change in many ways. None of those things are easy to do. None of them are fun either. And tonight I realized that a good marriage is made up of two brave people.

The divorce rates keep growing, and I'm part of that statistic. And truth be told, my heart aches for the people who have either helped increase that rate or are on the verge of doing so. I know exactly how it feels. Because I realize that when you are hurt, when you are angry and disappointed and discouraged, it seems like the best option is to simply walk away. And that's exactly what people are doing. Walking away from their commitments. Walking away from their vows. And, really, the only thing they are doing is creating even more damage to themselves and to the ones they are walking away from. And so how do we fix this? How do you keep this from happening to you? Be brave, that's how.

It takes a brave person to love someone who has hurt them. Brave people are the ones who are willing to forgive someone who has wronged them. Bravery means being vulnerable, admitting when you're wrong, speaking up when you need to confess something, and being honest even though it might be painful. Bravery allows the heart to heal up and move on, rather than holding on to the damage that has been done and allowing bitterness to grow. Because brave people realize that they have to set aside their pride and they do it. They have to put themselves back out there, even if it means they might get hurt again, in order to make things better. Because how can your spouse love you or serve you in the way you long to be served if you never tell them? How do they know they are doing something wrong, making you mad day in and day out, if you don't have to courage to let them know? And how can your spouse improve, how can they help turn your marriage around, if you won't give them a chance? It takes a brave person to be married because brave people realize that it's not about feelings, rather it's about following through with your commitment and doing everything in your power to make your marriage work.

I am convinced that there is never a time in your marriage that you can't fix things. Sure, some things take a lot more fixing than others, but if you're brave, you can do it. If you're willing to work on you, rather than trying to "fix" the other person, you can make a difference. Be honest with your spouse, and be honest with yourself. Be brave to forgive. Be brave to admit what you need to change and then be brave to change it. Do it for the person you love, do it for yourself, do it because you promised you would, and do it to bring glory to God's name. Because one day, when you stand before the Lord, I don't think He will say, "Hey, things were a little rocky there for you guys those years. I'm glad that you didn't stick around to work it out. I'm proud of you for walking away." No, I think the Lord will be proud of us for being brave and courageous husband and wives. For not giving up when the going got hard, and for choosing to stay even though the world offers more than one option.

So I praise the Lord for being brave to love and accept us. A people who constantly wander and mess up. A people who have broken His heart and sinned against Him in really, really big ways, yet He is always willing to accept us back into a relationship with Him. Brave to give us another chance because He promised that He would accept anyone who would accept Him. And so He has opened Himself up to us, for us, and set aside all pride, selfishness, and anger so that we could work through it. So that we could get past that rough patch and on to greener pastures. And the Lord is willing to stay and work with us for as long as needed, provided we step up and do our part, too.

Aaron and I are just getting started. Still figuring out one another. Figuring out what marriage looks like for the Davis'. Trying to comprehend the whole love and respect idea and learning how to apply it to our lives. And even though we may not get it right all the time, even though we might slip up every now and then, I praise the Lord for blessing me with a brave husband. A man who doesn't give up or take the "easy way out." Who will be brave with me and for me, thus leaving me confident that we've got all the time in the world to get this down. Because 50 years from now, I'm sure we'll still be learning and growing. But the beauty of it is that we'll be doing it together because on May 10, 2013, we decided we would be brave. We decided we'd take a chance, vulnerably put ourselves out there, open our hearts wholly and completely, and never stop trying. And if you ask me, that's a pretty good description of bravery.

#626 - Because we serve a brave God who helps us be brave people.

"Love the Lord, all you godly ones! For the Lord protects those who are loyal to him, but he harshly punishes the arrogant. So be strong and courageous, all you who put your hope in the Lord!" - Psalm 31:23-24