Reason #634
I have a really good memory, which can be unfortunate sometimes. I have a hard time forgetting things, and I am guilty of replaying scenarios in my head over and over again. And so today I was driving back from lunch and I was thinking. I suppose there’s just something about this time of year that makes me reminisce more than usual. Maybe it was the cold, dreary weather today. Maybe it was the warm cup of tea I was sipping. But I thought back through the last few weeks and years of my life, a quick 2 minute recap, and I was really convicted of what I saw.
There’s just something about being in community with others that can get the best of you, isn’t there? We love people, but they also push our buttons. And so if we have a short interaction with them, or if we only see them occasionally, we can handle it. We just bite our tongues and wait until they leave before breathing out a huge sigh of frustration. But what if we saw those people every day? What if we couldn’t get away from them? What if they lived with us, worked in the office next to us, went to church with us, or hung out at the same coffee shop as us?
I was hit with a challenge in Love & Respect. The author told us that our motivation for our good behavior is always incentivized. For example, if someone told you that you could have a million dollars if you didn't fight with your spouse for a year, you'd find a way to do it, wouldn't you? You'd let everything roll off your back rather than get under your skin. You'd cut them enormous amounts of slack, you'd practice incredible patience, and you'd think twice (maybe even 3 times) before you spoke. You'd find a way to get that money. At least, I know I would. And so we do this throughout our lives in various stages. But why not all the time? And why is it that we usually treat our co-workers, complete strangers, and friends significantly different than our family members? What if a camera followed us around for a whole year? 24/7, everything was being filmed. I bet we'd be surprised at ourselves, don't you think? I bet we'd see ourselves in a different light, and I bet it would be pretty shocking.
This is what the Lord challenged me with today. Because the truth is, everyone in the world feels their behavior at any point in time is justified. No one acts in a way they think is unreasonable or stupid. But what if we filmed ourselves during these interactions, and even after them, and watched back that recording? Take that a step further and let's have a third party watch it with you. I have a feeling we would be embarrassed by what we saw. I bet we'd be taken back by what we said. And I bet, if you're anything like me, you'd really regret it and feel completely ashamed of yourself.
This is the struggle, my friends. Because the truth is, every second of our lives is being watched. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the in between. The Lord sees everything we do. Even the things we think no one else sees or hears, He sees and hears. Our ugly thoughts, our cutting words, our rude comments, our tacky expressions. He sees both sides of the story, not just ours, and I forget that quite often. I forget that God is for me, but that He is also for all of His children. And when I feel hurt, the other person does, too. When I feel betrayed, the other person does, too. When I am disappointed, the other person is, too. When my heart is heavy, so is theirs. When my self-esteem is shot, theirs is, too. But I only watch it from my recording, feeling right in my behavior and wronged in the situation.
I hate lessons like these. I don't really enjoy the refining process all that much. But the truth is, it's necessary even if it kind of hurts sometimes. And so I am grateful that even though the Lord does see everything, He still loves me. And I am grateful that He offers forgiveness for the things I wish He didn't see, and also notices the things I'd like for Him to see. That He doesn't discount the good even though there is some bad mixed in. It's a process, I suppose, and it only gets better one day at a time.
#634 - Because He sees everything we do and say, and He still loves us and forgives us.
"The Lord is watching everywhere, keeping his eye on both the evil and the good." - Proverbs 15:3