Reason #832
Sometimes it's because my hair won't cooperate. Ladies, you know what I am talking about. A bad hair day can make for a bad day. There's no logic behind it. No rhyme or reason. Sometimes, it starts with my hair.
I pulled a cute skirt out of my closet this morning and topped it off with a blue blazer. I felt professional even if my pale legs did closely match the off-white linen I was sporting. But I looked the part, I thought. I walked in and sat down at my desk only to, eight hours later, leave work with a wrinkled skirt, smudged eyeliner, flat hair and a flat spirit.
Aaron went to play poker with some of his friends tonight, so Scout and I had a girl's night. I laid in bed reading my book over prayer, as Scout snuggled between my legs, and as my heart was encouraged I couldn't help but fight off discouragement. It was just one of those days. One of those days where I just don't feel it. One of those days where it seems it doesn't matter. A day where I wonder why. Why this and why that and why am I feeling this way? Why can't I get there? Why do I seem to hit one brick wall after another? It's as if there is always looming potential but I'll never reach it. The opportunities lie ahead yet the closer I get to them, the further away the move. And so I feel like life is taunting me. Like I'm on a treadmill. Faithfully running in a consistent direction, day after day, yet I am going no where.
"The only way to know how prayer works is to have complete knowledge and control of the past, present, and future. In other words, you can figure out how prayer works if you are God." - A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller
I can't figure it out. I keep praying and asking and I just don't know. I think I know, but I usually end up being wrong and so, unfortunately, I sometime anticipate that. I find myself doubting because it seems that when it comes to these requests, the answer is either "no" or "wait." Really, it's probably more "wait" than anything. And the waiting is hard because I have no control. The waiting is hard because I very well could be waiting on a "no." And days like today bring forth the reality that I have absolutely no idea where God is taking me. I am not even close to figuring it out, and, thus far, it has yet to look like what I was anticipating and hoping it would. But I know God is hearing. I don't know why I'm waiting, but I am trusting that eventually, something will come about.
I pulled a cute skirt out of my closet this morning and topped it off with a blue blazer. I felt professional even if my pale legs did closely match the off-white linen I was sporting. But I looked the part, I thought. I walked in and sat down at my desk only to, eight hours later, leave work with a wrinkled skirt, smudged eyeliner, flat hair and a flat spirit.
Aaron went to play poker with some of his friends tonight, so Scout and I had a girl's night. I laid in bed reading my book over prayer, as Scout snuggled between my legs, and as my heart was encouraged I couldn't help but fight off discouragement. It was just one of those days. One of those days where I just don't feel it. One of those days where it seems it doesn't matter. A day where I wonder why. Why this and why that and why am I feeling this way? Why can't I get there? Why do I seem to hit one brick wall after another? It's as if there is always looming potential but I'll never reach it. The opportunities lie ahead yet the closer I get to them, the further away the move. And so I feel like life is taunting me. Like I'm on a treadmill. Faithfully running in a consistent direction, day after day, yet I am going no where.
"The only way to know how prayer works is to have complete knowledge and control of the past, present, and future. In other words, you can figure out how prayer works if you are God." - A Praying Life by Paul E. Miller
I can't figure it out. I keep praying and asking and I just don't know. I think I know, but I usually end up being wrong and so, unfortunately, I sometime anticipate that. I find myself doubting because it seems that when it comes to these requests, the answer is either "no" or "wait." Really, it's probably more "wait" than anything. And the waiting is hard because I have no control. The waiting is hard because I very well could be waiting on a "no." And days like today bring forth the reality that I have absolutely no idea where God is taking me. I am not even close to figuring it out, and, thus far, it has yet to look like what I was anticipating and hoping it would. But I know God is hearing. I don't know why I'm waiting, but I am trusting that eventually, something will come about.
Bethany Dillon wrote a song about waiting. I used it in a blog post about a year ago, and tonight it's my prayer.
I am waiting on You,
I am waiting on You.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
My heart’s discouraged,
So I come to You expectant.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.
I am waiting on You.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
My heart’s discouraged,
So I come to You expectant.
You say You’re good to those who wait.
Lord, today You know what I need to do,
But You can do more in my waiting than in my doing I could do.
So I won’t run anymore.
I’m waiting on You.
#832 - Because, eventually, the wait will end and He will bring something about.
"Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." - 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18