Reason #864
Marriage is such a learning experience. You learn a whole lot about another person, and you never stop, either. Once you think you've learned them pretty well, you learn something new. But I find that, more than anything, I keep learning a lot about myself.
In some ways, marriage is a mind game. It really is. It's making a daily, conscious effort to consider another person. It's thinking about someone else. It's telling yourself the truth instead of believing the lies. Because the mind is a powerful thing.
Our minds convince us. They help us come up with excellent reasons to justify our behavior. Our minds help us get ourselves out of a bind and they do a good job of persuading us to follow our desires. Our minds can benefit us, our minds can hurt us, but we have to decide which one we'll allow.
I let my mind convince me all the time. I let it condemn me, too. I let it bring up my faults and remind me of them constantly. I find myself thinking that I'm a failure, and it's amazing how quickly I agree. I find myself feeling so helpless and worthless because all I can think of is negative things about myself. All that seems to come to my mind is how I've messed up. And I lay down in defeat as if I have no other option than to surrender to and accept the lies I am telling myself.
But there is another option. "Take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ..." (2 Corinthians 10:5). Because my thoughts are formulated from my past, from the things I've been told, and from the experiences I have been through. And I tell myself things like, "I can't be a good wife." "I can't get it right." "I'll never be what he needs." But that's not the truth. In fact, Aaron has never said any of those things to me. But I tell myself those things and I start to feel down. I begin to feel sorry for him and wish he had it better. And last night, as we talked about marriage, I realized that no one has told me these things but me. No one has proven this to me. I am the only one feeling this way. This is not who I am, and this is not helping me be any better. If anything, I probably hold myself back by believing them. And I thought, "I really have to quit lying to myself."
We were challenged to come up with one intentional thing to do for 30 days that would help us out in the long run as well as make a difference in our marriage. I decided that I would stop lying to myself. And, if I started lying to myself, I would stop believing it. When those little lies came up, I'd choose to believe the opposite. I'd be quick to take them captive, to surrender them to the Lord, and to cling to His truth above all. I'd believe what He says about me before I believe what I say about me, and I'd listen to His voice over mine.
And so maybe you need to stop lying to yourself, too. Maybe you need to quit telling yourself you're failing as a mom, a friend, a wife, or a worker. Maybe you need to stop beating yourself up, too. Maybe, like me, you need to realize that we weren't called to be perfect, we were called to be different. We were called to be seekers of truth, not believers of lies. And when accusations come, because they will, we praise God that they aren't from Him. We thank Him that we're not who we think we are. We thank Him that we are so much more, and that all He is asking us to be is us. He isn't asking us to be Carol Brady, June Cleaver, Mother Teresa, or Condoleeza Rice. He is asking us to be our true selves to the fullest. To focus on being good at being us, and to believe and see the good that He has placed in us. Because our potential is great. Our existence is intentional. And our purpose is to be who God has made us to be.
#864 - For the good He has placed in us.
"Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth!" - Psalm 86:11
In some ways, marriage is a mind game. It really is. It's making a daily, conscious effort to consider another person. It's thinking about someone else. It's telling yourself the truth instead of believing the lies. Because the mind is a powerful thing.
Our minds convince us. They help us come up with excellent reasons to justify our behavior. Our minds help us get ourselves out of a bind and they do a good job of persuading us to follow our desires. Our minds can benefit us, our minds can hurt us, but we have to decide which one we'll allow.
I let my mind convince me all the time. I let it condemn me, too. I let it bring up my faults and remind me of them constantly. I find myself thinking that I'm a failure, and it's amazing how quickly I agree. I find myself feeling so helpless and worthless because all I can think of is negative things about myself. All that seems to come to my mind is how I've messed up. And I lay down in defeat as if I have no other option than to surrender to and accept the lies I am telling myself.
But there is another option. "Take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ..." (2 Corinthians 10:5). Because my thoughts are formulated from my past, from the things I've been told, and from the experiences I have been through. And I tell myself things like, "I can't be a good wife." "I can't get it right." "I'll never be what he needs." But that's not the truth. In fact, Aaron has never said any of those things to me. But I tell myself those things and I start to feel down. I begin to feel sorry for him and wish he had it better. And last night, as we talked about marriage, I realized that no one has told me these things but me. No one has proven this to me. I am the only one feeling this way. This is not who I am, and this is not helping me be any better. If anything, I probably hold myself back by believing them. And I thought, "I really have to quit lying to myself."
We were challenged to come up with one intentional thing to do for 30 days that would help us out in the long run as well as make a difference in our marriage. I decided that I would stop lying to myself. And, if I started lying to myself, I would stop believing it. When those little lies came up, I'd choose to believe the opposite. I'd be quick to take them captive, to surrender them to the Lord, and to cling to His truth above all. I'd believe what He says about me before I believe what I say about me, and I'd listen to His voice over mine.
And so maybe you need to stop lying to yourself, too. Maybe you need to quit telling yourself you're failing as a mom, a friend, a wife, or a worker. Maybe you need to stop beating yourself up, too. Maybe, like me, you need to realize that we weren't called to be perfect, we were called to be different. We were called to be seekers of truth, not believers of lies. And when accusations come, because they will, we praise God that they aren't from Him. We thank Him that we're not who we think we are. We thank Him that we are so much more, and that all He is asking us to be is us. He isn't asking us to be Carol Brady, June Cleaver, Mother Teresa, or Condoleeza Rice. He is asking us to be our true selves to the fullest. To focus on being good at being us, and to believe and see the good that He has placed in us. Because our potential is great. Our existence is intentional. And our purpose is to be who God has made us to be.
#864 - For the good He has placed in us.
"Teach me your ways, O Lord, that I may live according to your truth!" - Psalm 86:11