Reason #900

I am getting close to the end, my friends. Can you believe this? Can you believe a.) that I have consistently blogged this many days and b.) that God has done so much since I started? I went back and read a few older posts today, and I was amazed at how quickly the time has passed. I was amazed at how much the Lord has done for me, and truth be told, my heart is a little heavy thinking that my blogging journey ends in 3 months.

 

It’s funny how your life changes in an instant. Something new or different comes about, and after a bit of time you can’t imagine your life any other way. That’s how I feel about blogging. What did I do before I started? How did I go through a day without sitting down and writing out my thoughts? Life passes quickly, and I am forever grateful that the Lord lead me to start writing because I have recorded a lot of really precious memories that I am sure to never forget. And, if I do, well I’ll just go back and re-read them. But the truth is, never I have I been more aware of the Lord in all of my life. Never have I seen God do so many remarkable things than I have over the last 2 years. Not that He hasn’t always done remarkable things, I just didn’t pay attention to them. I wasn’t looking for them each and every day, and I certainly wasn’t allowing myself to be so vulnerable and willing to learn. And, if for no other reason aside from helping me heal, I am so grateful that the Lord has taught me how to be aware of His presence in the good and the bad, the mundane and the miracles. I knew that one day my writing would come to an end, but the good thing is that the Lord’s mercies never do.

 

I was challenged this weekend to think back to my childhood and see God's presence. To think of specific situations that God has used to mold me into the woman I am today. I thought about staying with my grandparents when I was a little girl. My Grandad always has a song in his heart that is usually being whistled through his lips. He is a lover of music, and so he taught me a lot of songs during those years. I really think that I developed a love for songs because of him. I, too, enjoy singing and always seem to have a song stuck in my head. And as a little girl, because I was sung to so often, singing was a normal thing for me. I don't know how old I was the first time I sang in church, but I grew up singing quite often. I'll be honest, I love being in front of people so I wasn't scared to stand up and sing to a crowd. I enjoyed being a little performer, and I had many opportunities to do so.

 

I remember singing a song during the Christmas season one year in high school. I was maybe 14 or 15, and for some reason I was really nervous about singing this song. The more I tried to keep myself calm, the more nervous I got. I couldn't stop my voice from shaking, I struggled hitting some of the high notes, and my voice gave out on the very last note of the song. Needless to say, it was not a good performancec. This was the first time I had actually experienced public humiliation, and I was so embarrassed. I was mad at myself for doing what I thought was a horrible job, and I held back tears long enough to get off the stage and out of the sanctuary. I stood in the hall crying, and the last thing I wanted to do was see anyone. I didn't want people to say, "You did a great job. We are so proud of you." Because I knew I didn't. I didn't want them to feel like they had to lie to me to make me feel better. I just wanted to forget about the whole thing. I wanted to melt into a puddle, and I wished I could take it all back. But I couldn't, and I wondered if I would be able to find the courage to sing in front of people again after such a poor performance.

 

My Grandad found me in the hall, and he wrapped me up in a big, Grandad hug. Pulling me close, I buried my face in his chest and cried. His eyes began to tear up as I told him I was so embarrassed. I told him I knew that I did a horrible job and I was really ashamed of myself. I'll never forget what he told me. He said, "Baby, you were singing to the Lord. That's all that matters. To Him, it was beautiful. As long as you are honoring Him, you have nothing to be ashamed about."

 

Well, I redeemed myself. I found the courage to accept another opportunity to sing in church, and I've had many singing opportunities since then. And I realize how God not only used my Grandad to teach me the love of songs, but how he used my Grandad to show me truth. To remind me what really matters, to encourage me to get back out there, and to prepare me for what I would face about 10 years down the road.

 

Here's the thing, we can't stop singing. We're going to face devastating and humiliating experiences in life, but we have to get back up. We have to be able to recover. It may be a very public thing. It may not be a situation that you can hide and keep to yourself. Other people may witness every moment of the train wreck you're in. They may watch it from the beginning to the end, and trust me, I know how tempting it is to run away and hide in shame. I know how much you want to disappear. I know you want to take it back, and I know how hard it is to face the world after you feel like you've failed. But here's the thing, it's only a failure if you let it be. You are the only one who can allow it to defeat you. Only you can determine whether or not you'll hold your head high, and only you can determine what you'll do about it.

 

But even in the midst of it all falling apart, if you're honoring God, that's all that matters. Really, that's all you can do. And if you walk through it, whatever it is, as a person of integrity and dignity, as a person who continues to exercise their faith, and if you give it up to the Lord and you continue to give glory to His name, then you have nothing to be ashamed about. Sometimes things go wrong, and whether or not it's of our doing doesn't really matter. It matters how we handle it. It matters where our hearts and our intentions lie. And the truth is, if we can walk through it and keep praising the Lord, then it's not a failure, it's a testament. A testament of His power, of His goodness, and of His mercy. And God will redeem it, trust me.

 

So keep singing. Keep praising Him. Honor God even if it seems like all is going wrong. Give Him the glory. He'll use it. He'll use you. And believe me, the recovery from the fall will be a beautiful, beautiful thing.

 

#900 - Because when we honor God, it's not a failure, it's a testament.

 

"Do not tremble; do not be afraid. Did I not proclaim my purposes for you long ago? You are my witnesses—is there any other God? No! There is no other Rock—not one!” - Isaiah 44:8