Reason #933
Aaron and I got a new title today. We're officially an aunt and uncle. His sister had her little guy this morning. Unfortunately, we've only seen pictures of him since we live far apart. He is, however, adorable, and we're looking forward to meeting him in person!
I planned on have my third child this year. That makes no sense. How could I plan on having the third when I don't have any? I had this timeline in my head when I was younger that I was going to get married at 21, have my first child at 23, my second at 25, and my third at 27. That sounds crazy, doesn't it? Clearly this was planned out long before I knew what full responsibility looked like. Back in the day when I didn't have to worry about working and money and taking care of anything. I've also since decided that the world is built for evens, so maybe I should keep away from odds. That way, no one gets left out. But I certainly felt that by 27 I would be a mom to at least one child. I never imagined that most of my friends would have one if not two children long before I would. But this is West Texas and first comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes a baby within the first two years.
I don't dedicate too many posts to baby talk. After all, it's hard to write about something with which you have no experience. And the truth is, I've never tried to have a baby. I mention my future children here and there but I've never shared much on my desires of motherhood. I've learned to be selective in what I share because people remember the things you say. If you say things like, "I'm going to start trying to have a baby this year" they remember it. They ask questions, Facebook stalk you, make crazy assumptions when you opt for water instead of diet coke, and they keep their eyes on your belly. It's like you've created this uncomfortable accountability by letting people know your plans, and I just don't like that. I prefer the element of surprise.
And so maybe you're reading this and you're thinking, "Where are you going with this story?" Because this isn't a post about infertility. As far as I know, I don't have that struggle. This isn't a post about loss or the desire to have something you may never have. I don't know if I'll ever have a baby. I won't know unless I try, and I can certainly do something about that. This is a post about waiting on the Lord despite having that desire. It's a post about waiting even though I often feel like my time is running out. But the Lord hasn't given me the green light to head in that direction, and I'll admit that I am confused as to why it keeps getting pushed to the back burner with each year that passes. Because I feel the pressure of being in my late 20s and thinking that I don't know if I'll ever know when the time is right. The uncertainty and fear of waiting too long or not waiting long enough. And when I see new babies and I hear moms talk about how much they love their children, I can't help but feel like I'm never going to get that chance.
And maybe you're thinking, "Well, do something about it. You have control over whether or not you have children and when you have them." And you're right, I do... kind of. I can try having them anytime I want, and I'm going to assume that it would probably work out when I wanted it to. But I don't want to look back and realize that I made a life changing decision because I was too impatient to wait on the Lord. I learned that lesson the hard way. I want to be certain that I follow God's will, not Brittnye's will, in all things. And sure, a baby is a good thing. Babies are a gift from the Lord. But I want to be sure I receive that gift when the Lord is ready for me to receive it. I don't want to run ahead of Him, as I have been known to do in the past, and dive into something out of fear, pressure, and selfishness. Because I don't know what the Lord has in store for me. He may have something planned out for me that would be difficult to do at the same time as being a parent. He may have something He's called me to do before having children that would prepare me to be a better mother than I would have been otherwise. He may be calling me to do something that would be stressful and difficult to accomplish with the responsibility of a baby, and I don't want to stand in the way of the Lord's plans for my life just because I'm unsure of when my own plans will come to fruition.
And maybe you feel that way, too. Maybe you're not worried about children, but maybe you're concerned about that job or that relationship. Maybe you're afraid if you don't hurry and act on it, you'll lose your chance. Or maybe you really want it but you know deep down inside that the Lord is asking you to wait. That He is asking you to surrender you own will and submit to His because He wants to do something else with you at this time. Maybe you're feeling pressured and uncertain and you really wish He'd just tell you when to take that next step. But if you aren't certain, wait. Don't rush. There's a reason. God will meet the desires of our heart, but sometimes His timeline is different than ours. Sometimes He asks us to wait, even if we know full we could have what we wanted right now, because it's really not the best time. It's really not what we need at this moment. It doesn't mean it will never happen. "Wait" and "No" are two completely different answers. "No" means you need to move on. "Wait" means that it's coming. And the truth is that when we don't wait, sometimes we miss out on really unique opportunities and blessings that the Lord has for us. Not that the desires of our hearts aren't also blessings, but wouldn't it be nice to receive both? Wouldn't it be nice if we really did accept the Lord's timeline and follow it so that we didn't miss out on the opportunities we often pass up when we do things our way?
It's not easy waiting. For impatient people like me, it's a struggle. But there is joy in waiting. There is time to soak up what God has in store for you in this season and make the most of it before He moves you forward. There is no regret in waiting on the Lord, and there is no mistake in His timeline. When we delight ourselves in the Lord, He gives us the desires of our heart. So let's let Him be the one who decides when to give those desires, and we'll gladly accept them knowing they've been given to us at the perfectly ordained time.
#933 - Because there is no mistake in His timeline.
"She became pregnant, and she gave birth to a son for Abraham in his old age. This happened at just the time God had said it would." - Genesis 21:2
I planned on have my third child this year. That makes no sense. How could I plan on having the third when I don't have any? I had this timeline in my head when I was younger that I was going to get married at 21, have my first child at 23, my second at 25, and my third at 27. That sounds crazy, doesn't it? Clearly this was planned out long before I knew what full responsibility looked like. Back in the day when I didn't have to worry about working and money and taking care of anything. I've also since decided that the world is built for evens, so maybe I should keep away from odds. That way, no one gets left out. But I certainly felt that by 27 I would be a mom to at least one child. I never imagined that most of my friends would have one if not two children long before I would. But this is West Texas and first comes love, then comes marriage, and then comes a baby within the first two years.
I don't dedicate too many posts to baby talk. After all, it's hard to write about something with which you have no experience. And the truth is, I've never tried to have a baby. I mention my future children here and there but I've never shared much on my desires of motherhood. I've learned to be selective in what I share because people remember the things you say. If you say things like, "I'm going to start trying to have a baby this year" they remember it. They ask questions, Facebook stalk you, make crazy assumptions when you opt for water instead of diet coke, and they keep their eyes on your belly. It's like you've created this uncomfortable accountability by letting people know your plans, and I just don't like that. I prefer the element of surprise.
And so maybe you're reading this and you're thinking, "Where are you going with this story?" Because this isn't a post about infertility. As far as I know, I don't have that struggle. This isn't a post about loss or the desire to have something you may never have. I don't know if I'll ever have a baby. I won't know unless I try, and I can certainly do something about that. This is a post about waiting on the Lord despite having that desire. It's a post about waiting even though I often feel like my time is running out. But the Lord hasn't given me the green light to head in that direction, and I'll admit that I am confused as to why it keeps getting pushed to the back burner with each year that passes. Because I feel the pressure of being in my late 20s and thinking that I don't know if I'll ever know when the time is right. The uncertainty and fear of waiting too long or not waiting long enough. And when I see new babies and I hear moms talk about how much they love their children, I can't help but feel like I'm never going to get that chance.
And maybe you're thinking, "Well, do something about it. You have control over whether or not you have children and when you have them." And you're right, I do... kind of. I can try having them anytime I want, and I'm going to assume that it would probably work out when I wanted it to. But I don't want to look back and realize that I made a life changing decision because I was too impatient to wait on the Lord. I learned that lesson the hard way. I want to be certain that I follow God's will, not Brittnye's will, in all things. And sure, a baby is a good thing. Babies are a gift from the Lord. But I want to be sure I receive that gift when the Lord is ready for me to receive it. I don't want to run ahead of Him, as I have been known to do in the past, and dive into something out of fear, pressure, and selfishness. Because I don't know what the Lord has in store for me. He may have something planned out for me that would be difficult to do at the same time as being a parent. He may have something He's called me to do before having children that would prepare me to be a better mother than I would have been otherwise. He may be calling me to do something that would be stressful and difficult to accomplish with the responsibility of a baby, and I don't want to stand in the way of the Lord's plans for my life just because I'm unsure of when my own plans will come to fruition.
And maybe you feel that way, too. Maybe you're not worried about children, but maybe you're concerned about that job or that relationship. Maybe you're afraid if you don't hurry and act on it, you'll lose your chance. Or maybe you really want it but you know deep down inside that the Lord is asking you to wait. That He is asking you to surrender you own will and submit to His because He wants to do something else with you at this time. Maybe you're feeling pressured and uncertain and you really wish He'd just tell you when to take that next step. But if you aren't certain, wait. Don't rush. There's a reason. God will meet the desires of our heart, but sometimes His timeline is different than ours. Sometimes He asks us to wait, even if we know full we could have what we wanted right now, because it's really not the best time. It's really not what we need at this moment. It doesn't mean it will never happen. "Wait" and "No" are two completely different answers. "No" means you need to move on. "Wait" means that it's coming. And the truth is that when we don't wait, sometimes we miss out on really unique opportunities and blessings that the Lord has for us. Not that the desires of our hearts aren't also blessings, but wouldn't it be nice to receive both? Wouldn't it be nice if we really did accept the Lord's timeline and follow it so that we didn't miss out on the opportunities we often pass up when we do things our way?
It's not easy waiting. For impatient people like me, it's a struggle. But there is joy in waiting. There is time to soak up what God has in store for you in this season and make the most of it before He moves you forward. There is no regret in waiting on the Lord, and there is no mistake in His timeline. When we delight ourselves in the Lord, He gives us the desires of our heart. So let's let Him be the one who decides when to give those desires, and we'll gladly accept them knowing they've been given to us at the perfectly ordained time.
#933 - Because there is no mistake in His timeline.
"She became pregnant, and she gave birth to a son for Abraham in his old age. This happened at just the time God had said it would." - Genesis 21:2