Reason #995
I had stayed home from work that day. I had sick leave, and thankfully, my boss let me use it. She was at a loss for words. When someone says, "My spouse just up and left me" what exactly do you say? We say things like, "I'm sorry." Truthfully, that's kind of an awkward response because the reply is usually, "That's okay." It's not okay, and it's funny that we're quick to apologize for someone else's decisions. Anyway, she told me to just do what I needed to do. To take the time I needed.
I laid in bed all day. My dad showed up at lunch with Chick-fil-a. I can't resist Chick-fil-a. It's so good. I ate it almost every day in college, and it never got old. He stopped by with a kid's meal. Six tiny nuggets and some french fries. I sat in my robe and I ate a nugget. I hadn't really eaten in weeks. I got sick every time I ate. Plus, that brain trigger that lets you know you're hungry had quit working for me. It was probably the intense levels of anxiety and stress. My dad gave me a pep talk, or at least tried to, but there was no pepping to be done. I was depressed, confused, and in shock. I remember him saying, "I'll leave when you finish half of your nuggets." Like a 6 year old, I was being forced to eat before I could leave the table. I looked at those nuggets, and I didn't think I could do it. I didn't want to do it, but I forced down two more nuggets and didn't eat for the rest of the day.
By Christmas I had lost so much weight that I was nearing double digits. In fact, I went shopping for new pants because none of my clothes fit. All of my pants were falling off of me. For the first time in my life, I was trying on size 0 pants and they were baggy. I wore leggings to get by. My weight was the least of my worries, and while most people are usually happy to lose weight and buy new clothes, I wasn't. All of the things that usually cheered me up no longer made me happy. Everything was a burden, a bad memory, a sad occasion. There's nothing worse than being unable to find any satisfaction. Nothing I did - eating, sleeping, watching TV, shopping, talking - nothing helped. I couldn't find comfort or solace in any of my usual activities. But there was one place I could go that helped ease the pain. One person I could spend time with that always made me feel better. Each time I opened God's word, my anxiety melted away. With each verse, I found comfort. And every time I read His promises, I let go of my worry. As I spent time in His presence, nothing else mattered. The thoughts, the heartache, the fear didn't plague me. He was my relief, my safe place, the one thing that made it all better.
Thank you, Lord, for making all things better.
I laid in bed all day. My dad showed up at lunch with Chick-fil-a. I can't resist Chick-fil-a. It's so good. I ate it almost every day in college, and it never got old. He stopped by with a kid's meal. Six tiny nuggets and some french fries. I sat in my robe and I ate a nugget. I hadn't really eaten in weeks. I got sick every time I ate. Plus, that brain trigger that lets you know you're hungry had quit working for me. It was probably the intense levels of anxiety and stress. My dad gave me a pep talk, or at least tried to, but there was no pepping to be done. I was depressed, confused, and in shock. I remember him saying, "I'll leave when you finish half of your nuggets." Like a 6 year old, I was being forced to eat before I could leave the table. I looked at those nuggets, and I didn't think I could do it. I didn't want to do it, but I forced down two more nuggets and didn't eat for the rest of the day.
By Christmas I had lost so much weight that I was nearing double digits. In fact, I went shopping for new pants because none of my clothes fit. All of my pants were falling off of me. For the first time in my life, I was trying on size 0 pants and they were baggy. I wore leggings to get by. My weight was the least of my worries, and while most people are usually happy to lose weight and buy new clothes, I wasn't. All of the things that usually cheered me up no longer made me happy. Everything was a burden, a bad memory, a sad occasion. There's nothing worse than being unable to find any satisfaction. Nothing I did - eating, sleeping, watching TV, shopping, talking - nothing helped. I couldn't find comfort or solace in any of my usual activities. But there was one place I could go that helped ease the pain. One person I could spend time with that always made me feel better. Each time I opened God's word, my anxiety melted away. With each verse, I found comfort. And every time I read His promises, I let go of my worry. As I spent time in His presence, nothing else mattered. The thoughts, the heartache, the fear didn't plague me. He was my relief, my safe place, the one thing that made it all better.
O Lord, I have come to you for protection;
don’t let me be disgraced.
don’t let me be disgraced.
Save me and rescue me,
for you do what is right.
Turn your ear to listen to me,
and set me free.
Be my rock of safety
where I can always hide.
Give the order to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
My God, rescue me from the power of the wicked,
from the clutches of cruel oppressors.
O Lord, you alone are my hope.
I’ve trusted you, O Lord, from childhood.
Yes, you have been with me from birth;
from my mother’s womb you have cared for me.
No wonder I am always praising you!
for you do what is right.
Turn your ear to listen to me,
and set me free.
Be my rock of safety
where I can always hide.
Give the order to save me,
for you are my rock and my fortress.
My God, rescue me from the power of the wicked,
from the clutches of cruel oppressors.
O Lord, you alone are my hope.
I’ve trusted you, O Lord, from childhood.
Yes, you have been with me from birth;
from my mother’s womb you have cared for me.
No wonder I am always praising you!
My life is an example to many,
because you have been my strength and protection.
That is why I can never stop praising you;
I declare your glory all day long.
because you have been my strength and protection.
That is why I can never stop praising you;
I declare your glory all day long.
- Psalm 71:1-8
Thank you, Lord, for making all things better.
#995 - Because He makes everything better.
"You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again. Then I will praise you with music on the harp, because you are faithful to your promises, O my God." - Psalm 71:20-22