Battle of wills

It was the same discussion we’d had at least a hundred times.

Or so it felt.

The topic was wearing me down to the bone. It seemed so simple, the thing I was asking her to do. And yet, for some reason, she was making it really hard.

What else can I say? How can I help her understand?

I sent her to her room for a few minutes of breathing space. I whispered a prayer. A plea for help, because my words weren’t bringing about any sort of great heart change on their own.

“You know how we’ve been talking about what it means to be a Christian?” I paced each syllable, doing my best not to ruin the vulnerable moment.

She shook her head, her eyes stayed glued to her lap.

“Well, the thing about being a Christian is that you have to make a daily decision of how you’ll do things. You can do things God’s way, or you can do things your way. But you can’t do both.” Conviction flooded my veins, and I wondered if this conversation was actually meant for me more than her.

I continued on in my monologue, unsure if was encouraging her closer to her desire to follow Jesus or dissuading her all together. After all, if anyone knows of the hypocrisy in my life – it’s her.

“No one is perfect. We all mess up, and we all want to choose our own way. Like sometimes, I really want to scream and yell and say mean words when I’m mad. But then I know that’s not how God wants me to act, and so I try to do things God’s way instead.”

Yet even despite our age difference, the battle of will remains. And the struggle doesn’t get any easier.

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.” – Romans 7:15-19

We need saving from our sinful selves. Daily.

God’s word has given us all of the wisdom we need for living, and by gosh, we just can’t seem to get it right. The down side is that we never will. And apart from Christ, there really is no hope.

But God has given us the gift of conviction. The kick of the Holy Spirit that says, “Hey, you’re getting off track here. Come back the other way.”

And because He is so gracious and kind, God gives us another chance. An opportunity to do it His way.

And you know what happens when we do? Gone are regret and remorse, and instead we find freedom, peace, joy, and fulfillment.

Because God’s way is always better.