friendships

The pen-pal homework was simple. Write a letter to the assigned peer in the other class and then drop it in the mail. Of all the assignments given in first grade, this one was my favorite as handwritten letters and notes are my love language.

She scrawled a message across the page in her seven-year-old handwriting. The letter made its way to the other child’s mailbox over the weekend, and Monday afternoon, as both girls piled into the backseat of the car, I received an exciting update.

“Mom, my pen pal and I played together during gym today!”

“That’s great! Was that the first time?”

“Yeah, we weren’t really friends before, but since wrote each other letters, now we are.”

Friendships are challenging in every stage of life.

For many years, I craved affirmation and approval from everyone I knew – friend or not. I just really, really, really (to a fault) wanted to be liked.

But it turns out, that’s an impossible feat to accomplish.

And even though I know this truth, my people-pleasing personality is still tempted to worry and lose sleep over how another might feel towards me.

Yet I’ll never forget the timely wisdom my pastor’s wife gave me. “I know I’m a great friend. I’m loyal and a lot of fun to be around. But if others don’t want my friendship, I’m not going force it. Their loss.”

The reality is not everyone will form bonds and meaningful connections. It’s easy to judge someone we hardly know. To quickly form an opinion based on what we see or what we’ve heard. To push away those who are different than us. Especially the ones who challenge us. And yet when we refuse to give them a chance, we miss out on the opportunity to gain a friend.

Maybe it is a letter. Maybe it’s simply giving them the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it’s being thankful for the way God made them, differently from the way He crafted you, and appreciating those traits. It might come through a phone call or a coffee date. Or, rather than stalking them on social media, sending a friend request or a message to actually connect.

It could be as simple as a smile. Acknowledging their presence. An intentional effort to introduce yourself. A friendly greeting in public, or a wave as you cross paths in the school pickup line.

Should rejection come, well, it’s their loss.

But like my sweet girl, you might discover you have great things in common. And that unexpected friendship might be one you enjoy more than you ever imagined.