Reason #125
I like surprises... sort of. I like surprises when I know they are coming. Pleasant surprises. One year, I ruined my Christmas surprise. I wanted a Dear Diary so bad, and I just happened to come across a receipt in my parents' bathroom a few days before Christmas that ruined the surprise. A Dear Diary was waiting for me under the tree. I was so mad at myself for snooping, and I felt horrible that I knew what I was going to be unwrapping. I remembered thinking that I would just act as surprised and excited as I possibly could so that my parents wouldn't know I had already figured out my gift. They had tried to keep this secret from me, so I didn't want to ruin the feeling of succesful gift-giving for them. Christmas Day rolled around and I opened my purple Dear Diary. The exact one I had been asking for. A cool, high-tech, electronic diary where I could record my very important inner-most thoughts and feelings. But I remember opening that package Christmas morning and although this was exactly what I had asked for, I wasn't really that excited about it. The fun of the surprise was gone. A month of anticipation leading up to a day of surprises only to be ruined days before by a nosey little girl who couldn't keep from looking through the stack of receipts not meant for her eyes. An inquiring mind wondering if she was going to get what she was hoping for.
Well, this element of surprise spoiling has stuck with me through the years. I try to avoid figuring out what my gifts are now-a-days as I realize that it's so much more fun to unwrap a gift unknowingly. But when it comes to the gifts God has in store for me, I go into full on detective mode. I begin looking for clues. Trying to figure out what is coming my way. Is it what I wanted? Is it what I have been hoping for? And I hunt around and ask questions. Don't make me wait to find out, just let me know what it is.
I think about that Dear Diary. That desired little object placed on my "wish list." My parents, the gift givers, knew what I wanted. Parents, who love their daughter and listened to her desires, made a point to meet that little desire. To bring about excitement and happiness. Parents, who knew I would love it and looked forward to seeing the joy on my face as I opened a highly anticipated and longed for gift, were waiting for just the right time to give it to me. Gift givers, giving freely. Giving out of love. Giving something good.
But I, the gift receiver, ruined it. Out of worry, I peeked. Maybe I didn't trust that they were listening when I made my wishes known. Maybe I thought they might have forgotten. Maybe I didn't think they would actually get it for me. So I looked. Looked to make sure they had remembered. And I regretted it the moment my eyes saw the words on that receipt. I took all the fun out of it. And I wondered why I did that. Why didn't I think they would get it for me? Why did I think they wouldn't remember something I had made well known to them? Why did I think they didn't hear my request?
And I do the same thing to God. I place these things on my "wish list" and I ask and pray and He knows I desire them. But I desire them now, and if I can't have them right away I'd like to atleast know that I am going to get them soon. Or do I? Maybe the same concerns I had with my parents are the same ones I have with God. And why do I think He isn't listening to me? Why do I think He doesn't hear my prayers that I pray over and over and over? Why do I think He won't gladly give me gifts that will bring happiness and joy? Why do I think He would refrain from giving me good things, or would ever give me something that wasn't the best for me? Why do I want to ruin the surprise?
Maybe, just like the Dear Diary, He keeps those gifts tucked away until the right time. Until the time He has set aside for me to open them. Giving them to me freely and out of His deep love for me. Highly anticipated and longed for gifts that will light up my face. And maybe, He desires to see that excitement and surprise as I begin to peel off the wrapping. Maybe He knows how much more the gift means when I don't know what it is before-hand. Maybe the element of surprise is the best part of it.
And so I sit and stare at boxes and bows not knowing what's in them. Sure, it's sort of driving me crazy and my curiousity is spiked, but I know that whatever sits inside is good and so I'm anxiously waiting, fingers ready to peel back the paper, ready for the surprise. Knowing that He has heard my reqeuests, knows what I need, and trusting that He'll let me open them at the best possible time.
#125 - Gifts awating to be opened.
"So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." - Matthew 7:11
Well, this element of surprise spoiling has stuck with me through the years. I try to avoid figuring out what my gifts are now-a-days as I realize that it's so much more fun to unwrap a gift unknowingly. But when it comes to the gifts God has in store for me, I go into full on detective mode. I begin looking for clues. Trying to figure out what is coming my way. Is it what I wanted? Is it what I have been hoping for? And I hunt around and ask questions. Don't make me wait to find out, just let me know what it is.
I think about that Dear Diary. That desired little object placed on my "wish list." My parents, the gift givers, knew what I wanted. Parents, who love their daughter and listened to her desires, made a point to meet that little desire. To bring about excitement and happiness. Parents, who knew I would love it and looked forward to seeing the joy on my face as I opened a highly anticipated and longed for gift, were waiting for just the right time to give it to me. Gift givers, giving freely. Giving out of love. Giving something good.
But I, the gift receiver, ruined it. Out of worry, I peeked. Maybe I didn't trust that they were listening when I made my wishes known. Maybe I thought they might have forgotten. Maybe I didn't think they would actually get it for me. So I looked. Looked to make sure they had remembered. And I regretted it the moment my eyes saw the words on that receipt. I took all the fun out of it. And I wondered why I did that. Why didn't I think they would get it for me? Why did I think they wouldn't remember something I had made well known to them? Why did I think they didn't hear my request?
And I do the same thing to God. I place these things on my "wish list" and I ask and pray and He knows I desire them. But I desire them now, and if I can't have them right away I'd like to atleast know that I am going to get them soon. Or do I? Maybe the same concerns I had with my parents are the same ones I have with God. And why do I think He isn't listening to me? Why do I think He doesn't hear my prayers that I pray over and over and over? Why do I think He won't gladly give me gifts that will bring happiness and joy? Why do I think He would refrain from giving me good things, or would ever give me something that wasn't the best for me? Why do I want to ruin the surprise?
Maybe, just like the Dear Diary, He keeps those gifts tucked away until the right time. Until the time He has set aside for me to open them. Giving them to me freely and out of His deep love for me. Highly anticipated and longed for gifts that will light up my face. And maybe, He desires to see that excitement and surprise as I begin to peel off the wrapping. Maybe He knows how much more the gift means when I don't know what it is before-hand. Maybe the element of surprise is the best part of it.
And so I sit and stare at boxes and bows not knowing what's in them. Sure, it's sort of driving me crazy and my curiousity is spiked, but I know that whatever sits inside is good and so I'm anxiously waiting, fingers ready to peel back the paper, ready for the surprise. Knowing that He has heard my reqeuests, knows what I need, and trusting that He'll let me open them at the best possible time.
#125 - Gifts awating to be opened.
"So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him." - Matthew 7:11