Reason #630

You hold the weight of the world
Still I don't slip through your hands
Your love is bigger
Than just an notion built by man
I fall again and again,
But you whisper, You're still mine.
You feel the pain of the world,
But you never push mine aside.

You know all of my fears
There's nothing Your eyes can't see.
When I tried to give up,
Lord, you never gave up on me.
I give You all of my hopes and dreams,
I lay them down.
Of all the place I've looked,
You're the one truth I have found.

And You reach for me
With a love that quiets all my fears
And You reach for me
Like a Father wipes away the tears
So many people in this world,
But I hear You calling out my name.
You reach for me.
Now I'm never gonna be the same. 

 

(Reach - Peter Furler)

 

I woke up feeling bad this morning, and unfortunately, I'm going to bed feeling the same way. I laid outside for a few minutes tonight. Curled up on the patio furniture, a blanket wrapped around me with my feet poking out, and I stared into space. Into vast darkness. Never ending. And I noticed the stars. So far away, yet still visibly shining. Insignificant compared to the atmosphere, seemingly lost in space, but I could see them. Little stars appearing to be tiny specks of light, despite the fact that they are actually huge. But from here, I could cover one with my pinky finger. And although the stars weren't filling the space completely, they stood out. They were bright enough to be noticed, to be seen, and bright enough to bring forth light so that the darkness could not win out.

 

I am amazed, sometimes, that God notices me.  Really, I don't do a lot of important significant things for His kingdom. Come to think of it, I don't really do any. I mess up and fall... All. The. Time. It's true. And these humbling opportunities seem to be coming more and more often now a days. Maybe it's the change in the seasons, but this has been a hard week. A hard past few weeks. And so sometimes I just feel a little lost. Kind of like those stars. So small, just hanging out there in the darkness by myself. Separated because I feel like I am in the boat alone. I feel so insignificant and like maybe my presences doesn't really matter. Because you know, if one star disappears or appears, no one really notices. I could go out every night and look at the stars and I would have no idea if any were missing or if any new ones showed up. And I really, honestly can't tell the difference between them in the first place.

 

"The Lord merely spoke and the Heavens were created. He breathed the word, and all the stars were born (Psalm 33:6)...He counts the stars and calls them all by name (Psalm 147:4)." And so here's the hauntingly beautiful thing of it all, the Lord notices each one of them. Placing each star right where He wants it because it matters. They are necessary. And He pays attention to them. He knows when one falls and when another rises. But what I love about the Lord is that He intentionally placed those stars into the darkness. That's where He asked them to reside. No one notices stars during the day, although they are still around then, too. No, the stars are noticed when the darkness has filled the sky, and that is when they have their opportunity to shine.

 

I could draw a million different conclusions from this. I could talk about how God places us in the darkness so that we can reveal His glory. How He uses us to spread light. How we matter, that we are intentionally placed where He needs us, that we are necessary, and that we each have a purpose. And all of these statements are true and encouraging. But what I am really grateful for tonight is that I am not lost. That God knows right where I am and He sees me. Even though I kind of feel like I am floating around in this gigantic, vast, never ending space, He has His eye on me the whole time. He sees what I am doing. He sees that I am trying. He understands how I am feeling. He knows exactly what I am thinking. He feels my pain, senses my fears, notices my struggles, and He still keeps me around. And even though He is doing this for billions and millions of others, He still takes the time to pay full attention to me, too. It blows my mind. Because who am I, like David said, that God would take note of me? That He would care so much for someone like me? That even with a star filled sky, He'd make me feel as if I'm the only one. I'm grateful for that. That we never have to compete for His attention or wonder if He notices. He does. And life, well, it's like space. But rather than focusing on the vast darkness, we should focus on the stars because that's where we find hope, significance, and comfort. And it's by the light of the stars that we are able to actually see our way through.

 

#630 - Because we don't have to compete for His attention, He always notices us.

 

"Praise him, sun and moon! Praise him, all you twinkling stars!" - Psalm 148:3