Reason #629
I had a really good day today. One of the best work days I have had in a really long time. It was a day where I was completely energized and encouraged. Of course, the fact that I actually got a decent amount of sleep last night might have helped some. Anyway, I had a good hair day (which is far and few between these days), I got to have my coveted chai latte this morning, the day was the perfect amount of busy, and all of the interactions I had were positive. It was just one of those really perfect work days, and I just thank the Lord for blessing me with that today.
I confessed my struggle with serving a couple of weeks ago, and it has made itself present again. The Lord has really used my job to humble me and teach me in a lot of ways, and that has been difficult for me. And, as I have also often confessed, the Lord uses marriage equally as much to humble and teach me, and I don't always enjoy those lessons either. And so the truth of the matter is, I get tired of serving. There, I said it. I'll confess it and you can give me dirty and disapproving looks through your computer screen. I get so worn down and worn out from serving. Some days, I'd just like to take care of me. No, I take that back. Some days I'd like to just be completely taken care of. I would like for someone to sit there while I spill my guts and just shake their head and listen with sympathy and understanding. I'd like someone to ask me questions and go out of their way to entertain me. I'd like for someone to wait on me, to give me things I could easily get for myself, to make sure I was completely happy and satisfied. I'd like for someone to clean my house, grocery shop, pay my bills, do my laundry, come home and let my dog out at lunch everyday, cook my dinner, run my errands, and strategically plan out my week. I'd like to be completely served, just like I was when I lived and home. And truth be told, when I think of service, I think of my mom. That woman has it down to a T. She serves and she serves and she does a great job at it. She never complains about it or acts as if she is inconvenienced by it. In fact, she is always going out of her way to meet needs or take care of others. And so, mom, thank you for totally and completely serving me for 18 years. Let me just take this moment to also apologize for expecting that from you and not returning the favor. You are a jewel!
You see, that's the thing about service. It is really difficult, and it is not pretty. Often times, it's really not even appreciated. Service isn't convenient. Service doesn't always make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Service requires that you give without receiving. You pour out without being poured back into. Service means you do the things other people don't want to do. You take care of needs, putting everyone else's above your own. Service takes a lot of time and energy. Yet the funny thing about service is that we really enjoy it the most when we are the one being served.
As I think about this tonight, about how I feel and what I am struggling with, I think about the fact that Jesus lived to serve. I mean really, that's why He came. He came to serve, not to be served. Once again, counterintuitive. Because human nature is to sit back and enjoy being catered to. Why else do we spend a ridiculous amount of money on eating out? We want to be served. We don't want to do the work. No, we'd rather pay someone else to do it for us. And it's easy to get in that mindset and cycle. Desiring to be poured into over and over and over again. And when we start pouring out, we're exhausted. We get frustrated, irritated, and upset. Why? Well, because we let our selfishness preceded our service. If there really isn't anything in it for us, our motivation to serve runs out quickly.
But Jesus' motivation to serve wasn't based on what He could gain for himself. He didn't serve so that people would do things for Him. He served because God sent Him to do that. He was carrying out a mission, and He was glorifying God. He served because that was His nature. He even sough out those opportunities. Opportunities to give of Himself, to pour into someone else's life. And, still, after all He did, He never once complained, he never stopped, and He never expected anything in return.
Jesus doesn't ask us to do anything He himself wouldn't do. And I think when it comes to this one, the only way we really can do it is with His help. Because this doesn't come naturally to many people, myself included, and obviously, it doesn't come easily, either. And so tonight, I just have to thank the Lord for serving me. Selfish me. For pouring into me over and over and over again. For being patient with me as I miserably fail at having a servant's heart. I am so thankful the Lord is slow to anger, because I seem to be slow to learn. But maybe I'll get it one day. Maybe I'll eventually become a natural. Until then, I'll keep trying. After all, I suppose that practice makes perfect.
#629 - Because of His pure intended service towards selfish people like me.
"But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” - Matthew 20:25-28
I confessed my struggle with serving a couple of weeks ago, and it has made itself present again. The Lord has really used my job to humble me and teach me in a lot of ways, and that has been difficult for me. And, as I have also often confessed, the Lord uses marriage equally as much to humble and teach me, and I don't always enjoy those lessons either. And so the truth of the matter is, I get tired of serving. There, I said it. I'll confess it and you can give me dirty and disapproving looks through your computer screen. I get so worn down and worn out from serving. Some days, I'd just like to take care of me. No, I take that back. Some days I'd like to just be completely taken care of. I would like for someone to sit there while I spill my guts and just shake their head and listen with sympathy and understanding. I'd like someone to ask me questions and go out of their way to entertain me. I'd like for someone to wait on me, to give me things I could easily get for myself, to make sure I was completely happy and satisfied. I'd like for someone to clean my house, grocery shop, pay my bills, do my laundry, come home and let my dog out at lunch everyday, cook my dinner, run my errands, and strategically plan out my week. I'd like to be completely served, just like I was when I lived and home. And truth be told, when I think of service, I think of my mom. That woman has it down to a T. She serves and she serves and she does a great job at it. She never complains about it or acts as if she is inconvenienced by it. In fact, she is always going out of her way to meet needs or take care of others. And so, mom, thank you for totally and completely serving me for 18 years. Let me just take this moment to also apologize for expecting that from you and not returning the favor. You are a jewel!
You see, that's the thing about service. It is really difficult, and it is not pretty. Often times, it's really not even appreciated. Service isn't convenient. Service doesn't always make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Service requires that you give without receiving. You pour out without being poured back into. Service means you do the things other people don't want to do. You take care of needs, putting everyone else's above your own. Service takes a lot of time and energy. Yet the funny thing about service is that we really enjoy it the most when we are the one being served.
As I think about this tonight, about how I feel and what I am struggling with, I think about the fact that Jesus lived to serve. I mean really, that's why He came. He came to serve, not to be served. Once again, counterintuitive. Because human nature is to sit back and enjoy being catered to. Why else do we spend a ridiculous amount of money on eating out? We want to be served. We don't want to do the work. No, we'd rather pay someone else to do it for us. And it's easy to get in that mindset and cycle. Desiring to be poured into over and over and over again. And when we start pouring out, we're exhausted. We get frustrated, irritated, and upset. Why? Well, because we let our selfishness preceded our service. If there really isn't anything in it for us, our motivation to serve runs out quickly.
But Jesus' motivation to serve wasn't based on what He could gain for himself. He didn't serve so that people would do things for Him. He served because God sent Him to do that. He was carrying out a mission, and He was glorifying God. He served because that was His nature. He even sough out those opportunities. Opportunities to give of Himself, to pour into someone else's life. And, still, after all He did, He never once complained, he never stopped, and He never expected anything in return.
Jesus doesn't ask us to do anything He himself wouldn't do. And I think when it comes to this one, the only way we really can do it is with His help. Because this doesn't come naturally to many people, myself included, and obviously, it doesn't come easily, either. And so tonight, I just have to thank the Lord for serving me. Selfish me. For pouring into me over and over and over again. For being patient with me as I miserably fail at having a servant's heart. I am so thankful the Lord is slow to anger, because I seem to be slow to learn. But maybe I'll get it one day. Maybe I'll eventually become a natural. Until then, I'll keep trying. After all, I suppose that practice makes perfect.
#629 - Because of His pure intended service towards selfish people like me.
"But Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers in this world lord it over their people, and officials flaunt their authority over those under them. But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave. For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve others and to give his life as a ransom for many.” - Matthew 20:25-28