What if this is it?

The fear and joy of writing are one in the same. 

That someone will read my words.

I remember how relieved and anxious I felt when I put them on a screen. On a website. And then shared it.

Because before that, it had been paper. Pages upon pages, safely tucked away in a journal. And no one knew but me and the Lord. My first reader, audience, and gentlest critic.

Then I began sharing. Pouring my heart out word for word, assuming no one would care or even want to read the finished product.

But they did.

In small numbers, friends and family read and encouraged me. And they told me things like, “I feel the same way, too… I struggle with that… Thank you for putting your feelings into words… God has used them to teach me.”

Me? My frail feelings? My fallible words?

I knew the truth. It wasn’t me. It was God. All of it. The Bible verse attached, the words that had somehow made their way through my fingertips, the experience I couldn’t have planned, the method I’d never envisioned, the graciously divine gift I’d never expected or even considered I’d receive.

I was just a vessel. One of many. A quite broken and very unlikely vessel, I might add.

But I was willing.

Willing to sit. To stare at the screen. To let my fingers hit button after button, dancing back and forth between the space bar and delete key. Until word after word, post after post, blog after blog, a passion, a love, and a book was born.

But what if this is it? I ask myself that question almost daily. What if this is all my efforts ever amount to? If no one likes it, reads it, passes it along? What if it’s met with great criticism and failure?

What if all my great expectations are actually not a part of God’s greater plan?

I’m still glad I did it. I’m glad I finally quit resisting and obeyed. Because the moment I did, I found immeasurable peace. A peace and fulfillment unlike anything the world has ever offered me.

Not because it’s been a smashing success. Or because I’ve arrived or have anything other than a million free words to show for it. But because its what God has called me to do.

And God has called you to do something, too. It may be full time, part time, or only when you have a moment of free time. But it’s there. The little thing burning inside your heart, trying to break lose for a greater glory.

For God’s glory.

So obey, and follow His leading because it’s in the center or His will that you will find life’s greatest fulfillment, blessings, and purpose.